Losing God

I just read an amazing book. "Losing God: Clinging To Faith Through Doubt And Depression", by Matt Rogers. This guy hit it right where I am at. Where I have been - sexual issues aside.

The book is Matt's story of how he went through years of depression. The symptoms he expressed, the issues he had, are the same as a lot of mine. I have wrestled with the idea of a loving God. Just as the author, I could never be an atheist, but have almost viewed God as evil and hateful.

Reading his story has helped me to see that so much of what I have been attributing to spiritual issues and problems, very likely are depression caused and linked. I too dread going to church. Most of the time I sit there and wish I could get up and give radiant testimonies of what God is doing for me, but most of the time, He seems distant and unresponsive.

Down deep, I figured I most likely have depression, but my mom had it late 2007, and everyone knew she had it. She lost weight, talked about not being sure if she was going to make it, etc. I judged myself by her behavior and tried to convince myself that I was not depressed. But I read too many symptoms in this book to deny it. I also found out that men tend to hide it more than women do.

Although the author never took medication at the time of the writing of the book, he admits that he should have, and in reply to an email from myself to him, he told me he has taken medication since the printing of the book. He figures my sexual struggles most likely play a big part in my depression, which is no surprise to me.

He did get help and got through the depression. I am glad he wrote the book, and that I read it. Reading it was not a miracle cure, but it did open my eyes to the reality of depression, that I do indeed have it, and that it greatly influences one's view of God and their spiritual life.