Labels

Ran across a couple of things I wrote a few years ago, and decided to post them here. To be honest, with how depressed and discouraged I have been for so long, this is like reading something that somebody else wrote, though I still believe what I wrote. I don't know how many people actually read this blog, but thought I would post it here:


Warning: if you consider yourself to be "ex-gay", the following post may be offensive to you!
Also, I am not making light or minimizing those few who have truly found total freedom from all homosexual desires and attractions. I realize that there are some of you that do exist.

Some years ago we got a new pastor at our church that had several kids, which were not too well-behaved. One thing they pulled once that was funny and cute involved labels. Our Christian school saved Campbell's Soup labels, and a pep talk had just been given at school about saving the labels, and to bring in as many as the kids could. So two of the kids went home, got in the cupboard where the soup was, and removed every soup label off the cans in there. It made their meals interesting for a while - no one had any idea what kind of soup they were opening!

Labels on food are pretty necessary. Otherwise you'd buy what you think might be chicken soup, and open it to find mushrooms. Uggh! There are other areas in life that we need labels also. It would be a pain buying clothes if there was no label saying what size it was. Instead of buying the XL size I need - if I didn't try it on, I might end up with a medium.

I do wish we could do like these kids and rip off the labels we wear and attach to people. Even denominational labels. Who cares if you are a Baptist or Episcopalian? I think some Christians would be shocked if you told them up in Heaven there will be no denominations. What will get you in there is the blood of Christ, and that alone.

The labels I am most becoming to detest, are the ones that can be attached to me. Gay. Homosexual. Ex-Gay. Former homosexual. Good grief! Why can't we just be Christians?!
My best friend has addressed the ex-gay issue some, and so has a guy on the forum part of this site. The thing is, I am not sure there are that many ex-gays. Let's look at the definition of "ex-gay": the very term "ex" means "former". Ex-wife is your former wife - she isn't your wife anymore. So if you are "ex-gay", you were formerly gay, and you are not anymore. So am I am I an ex-gay?

Let's look at another definition: gay. The first definition that popped up is: Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex. Well guess what? That still applies to me. I have quit sex with other guys, quit the gay porn, with a relapse here and there, but I still have an orientation - or attraction - to persons of the same sex - men.


Most of the "ex-gays" I have read books or testimonies of, admit there are still times that they struggle with attractions and/or desire for other guys. Even the ones that are married and have a ton of kids. I used to feel there was something wrong with me when I would repent and try to live for God, but still find guys attractive. No matter how hard I prayed, it was still there. In fact, I bought gasoline two days ago, and went inside to pay, and a young muscular guy took my money, and the thought immediately went through my mind "man is he cute!" And he was. So, does that mean I am not "ex-gay". Does that mean I am not a Christian?

See how bad labels can be? I am no ex-gay, and most of the "ex-gays" running around are not either. We are guys that are attracted to other guys. "Gay Christian" seems to be a paradoxical phrase, but is that what I am? I still am attracted to other guys, though I am trying to serve God and keep my thoughts and actions pure and right in God's eyes. In a lot of people's eyes, I would still be labeled "gay". A lot of Christians would doubt my Christianity for admitting I am still attracted to other guys. A lot of gays would doubt my claim to freedom since I am still attracted to other guys. So what am I?

I will tell you what I am: I am a Christian. Pure and simple. So what if I am tempted by the sin of homosexuality? If it wasn't that sin, it would be another. People who have been guilty of other sins don't keep their label. We don't look at people in church and think: "there is Sally - the "ex-liar", there is Tom, the "former thief"." You gotta be kidding! God forgave them of whatever sin they were guilty of. If Sally is still tempted to lie, does that mean she is still a liar? Nope! Sorry for my language, but screw the labels. If we are serving God, that is all that matters! Jesus' blood wipes away all traces of sin, so should we keep the label attached to remind ourselves and others of what we were?

Speaking of what we were, another label that is getting to me, is "freed". Freed from what?! Most people who say they are ex-gay or former homosexual are not totally free from the attractions and desires, though they may not struggle with them much, depending on the person. So can we say we have been freed from homosexuality? Time to go to dictionary.com again:

First definition of homosexuality: Sexual orientation to persons of the same sex. Second definition: Sexual activity with another of the same sex. Man, now we not only need to worry about labels, we need to worry about which definition we are referring to when we use that label! I'd pull my hair out if I had any on my head!

God has set me free from the life I used to live. Days and nights of pornography and anonymous sexual encounters with guys that half the time I didn't even know their first name. So what if He hasn't removed the attraction and desire for other guys. Isn't what He did a miracle in and of itself? I'd say He set me free from the gay lifestyle, but I read someone's opinion on that one, and they had some pretty good points. I will quote him here, as he said it pretty well:

"One of the things that I find particularly unattractive in my discussions with some of the leaders of various ex-gay ministries is their use and definition of the term "gay lifestyle" because it is very obvious that they are saying gay=sex. A good friend of mine is a noted gay author and sex advice columnist who is also in a long-term committed relationship. He thinks that we are crazy for the no-sex policy, but otherwise we pretty much agree on a lot. One of those being that the "gay lifestyle" that is so derisively thrown around applies to many straight people. No, not sleeping with the same sex, but having lots of hook ups with the opposite sex."

Good point there. What is so much referred to as the gay lifestyle sure can cover a lot, but in most cases, it is used to refer to the promiscuous sex that a lot of gays practice. I said a lot - not all. So if we say someone is living the heterosexual lifestyle, or straight lifestyle, do we immediately assume that the guy, or girl, is having multiple sexual encounters? Nope. Hence, another label we should toss out the window. Many thanks to a guy who calls himself "alfaboy2000" for pointing out how bad it is to use this term, and for providing the above quote. Hopefully he won't mind my use of it. He has started contributing to the forum on here, and although he is someone I wouldn't agree with on some things, I am sure - he has some pretty intelligent things to say. In fact, his posts were what got my little brain working on this topic.

There is something we need to remember: the whole issue of homosexuality is complex, and cannot be put in a neat little package like we like to do with everything. The most important thing of all is if we wear the label of Christian, and truly live it. We need to let God be the judge of who is really wearing it well, and who is not.

It is definitely wrong for people of the same gender to be sexually involved with one another and/or lust after another person of the same sex. But all too often, just as the desire for alcohol may stick with the recovering alcoholic for the rest of his life, so attractions and desires for the same sex may stay with the person who though struggles with same-sex desires, has given his life to God.

What is most important, is to keep Christ #1 in our lives, and live a life that is pleasing to Him. On the day we face Him, whether by death, or when He returns to claim His own, all I care is to hear those words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”. On that day, who I am sexually will have no bearing whatsoever. What will matter is if I have lived my life the way He wants me to live it.