Book recommendation: Gods At War by Kyle Idleman

This book doesn't have much to do with the gay struggle, but I am still recommending it: Gods At War by Kyle Idleman. Sex can be, and is an idol, but overall this is a great book anyone should read, whether you're struggling with homosexuality or not


Book description:
In gods at war, Kyle Idleman, bestselling author of not a fan, helps every believer recognize there are false gods at war within each of us, and they battle for the place of glory and control in our lives. What keeps us from truly following Jesus is that our hearts are pursuing something or someone else. While these pursuits may not be the 'graven images' of old, they are in fact modern day idols. Behind the sin you're struggling with, the discouragement you're dealing with, the lack of purpose you're living with is a false god that is winning the war for your heart. According to Idleman, idolatry isn't an issue---it is the issue. By asking insightful questions, Idleman reveals which false gods each of us are allowing on the throne of our lives. What do you sacrifice for? What makes you mad? What do you worry about? Whose applause do you long for? We're all wired for worship, but we often end up valuing and honoring the idols of money, sex, food, romance, success and many others that keep us from the intimate relationship with God that we desire. Using true, powerful and honest testimonies of those who have struggled in each area, gods at war illustrates a clear path away from the heartache of our 21st century idolatry back to the heart of God -- enabling us to truly be completely committed followers of Jesus.

The Christian Life of a Gay Man

Another great post from Matt Moore. Link to original post here.

Earlier this week, my pastor and I met with a local guy in his 20’s who just turned away from homosexual behavior in pursuit of God. When chatting with him for a couple of hours, the thing I felt that I couldn’t emphasize enough is that the focus of the Christian life for the “gay” man is not about not acting out on homosexual feelings. It’s not about turning from the “gay lifestyle.”

 

A message I feel the Lord has been laying on my heart lately is that He is not to be used as a means to an end…. even if that end is a “good” thing. We don’t follow Jesus to become straight, or to get married, or to be content in celibacy. And we don’t follow Jesus with the intent of becoming free of the power of fallen sexual inclinations. I think that’s all a backwards (and joy-robbed) way of looking at the gospel. I think a more correct way to view the gospel is that we follow Jesus because He is Lord and He is worthy, and He sets us free from the power of sinful inclinations (including sinful sexual inclinations) so that we could and would garner all of our affections, passions, and energies and focus them in on Him in worship.

 

Turning from homosexual behavior is (a small part of) the means and God is the End, not the other way around. He enables us to turn from sin not so that we would just turn from sin, but so that we would turn from sin and turn to Him. I don’t believe (based on the Scriptures) that turning from sin just for the sake of delighting in a holy accomplishment is at all pleasing to God.

 

If you’re attracted to the same sex but you’ve chosen to follow Jesus in repentance and faith, don’t get all wrapped up in having “turned away from the gay lifestyle” or in having “left homosexuality” or in having “become an ex-gay” (I’m speaking as someone who made these mistakes). Jesus has reconciled you to God through His Cross not so you could be an ex-gay or whatever you choose to call it; He’s done it to make you a son of God. That is ultimately who and what you are. Because of His gracious work in your heart, you have taken up a life of putting your natural, sinful self to death—day by day— to walk in the benefits of the sonship that Jesus has purchased for you (like intimacy with God) and the purposes God has for you in this life (like proclaiming the gospel and making disciples).

 

Please don’t infer from my words that I’m dumbing down the importance and necessity of repentance, that definitely is not my goal. What I’m trying to do is to put repentance in it’s rightful place: as the means, not the end. We should turn from our sin with all our (grace-wrought) might—but not for the purpose of basing our identity and the focus of our lives on our disassociation from a particular sinful behavior. We should turn from our sin because of a deep love and thankfulness for Jesus, and to enjoy intimacy and fellowship with God through Him.

The Christian life of the gay man, just like the Christian life of the straight man, should have one main focus and one definite end: Jesus.

The woman at the well, and Lot's wife

   There is a wide variety of characters in the Bible. Some were great, some were not. Some good, some bad..... I think the reason a lot of them are included is to give us hope. Not all of us are like Enoch or Elisha. Some of us are like David, who messed up a lot, yet was a man after God's own heart.

  Lately, I have been identifying with a couple of women in the Bible. Neither is named, yet hold a prominent place in Scripture: The woman at the well, and Lot's wife.

  From the short narrative in John, we get the idea that the woman at the well wasn't a good woman. She had had 5 husbands and was living with a guy she wasn't married to. She sounds like she wasn't a good moral person. Very likely, she had been with other men besides the six mentioned by Jesus. To top it off, she was a Samaritan. They were like the scum of the earth to Jews, yet here is Jesus, a Jew, talking to a Samaritan woman, and an immoral one at that. Yet Jesus talked to her, and it seems He deliberately went through Samaria to seek her out. Amazing.

  I've got a long list of sexual conquests. Mine is most likely longer than hers, but if He'd forgive her immorality, why not mine? He doesn't have a limit on sins He will forgive, yet the devil has had me convinced for years that I had sinned too many times, that my sin was too bad to be completely forgiven.... but that isn't true. And He offers that same living water to me, yet I keep going back to the wells that don't satisfy. Is it because I have never plunged in completely? If He could rescue  the woman at the well, He can rescue me.

  Lot's wife.... they were told to not look back while fleeing Sodom, and was instantly turned to a pillar of salt. Jesus used her as a warning in the New Testament: "remember Lot's wife." Meaning what, exactly? It could be a warning about her being too attached to worldly possessions....

  I was watching the Bible miniseries on DVD last night and watched the part about Sodom being destroyed, and something hit me, for the first time that I know of. I have lost track of how many times I have repented and quit the porn and sex, only to fall back. I think there is more than one reason, and I think the biggest one that overshadows all, is the fact that I have never had the right view of God, His love, nor did I love Him....... but this new thought hit me.... I also look back. I think about the pleasure that I gave up. I find myself thinking about all the gay guys that are out there engaging in pleasure, and there I am, alone and no pleasure.... I've done just like Lot's wife, and looked back...... and then I go back. If God did to me like Lot's wife, I'd have become a pillar of salt years ago, yet He has not cut me off....... thank God He hasn't. May God help me to truly find Him, and when I do, not look back for anything.

Loving the homosexual, a re-post

A friend of mine sent me message today that Moody was going to have a discussion about homosexuality on their Mid-day Connection program. It was going to be airing at a time I could listen, so I pulled it up on line and listened. And I liked what I heard. The show was hosted by two women, and they had two male guests on the show: Christopher Yuan, a man who lived the gay lifestyle for several years and spent time in prison and authored a book, Out of a Far Country, and a pastor - Bobby Ross (I think that was his name), a man who has not struggled with same-sex attractions, but had input on the issue.

The broadcast was not aimed at people who struggle with same-sex attractions, but aimed at Christians who come in contact with gay people.

The pastor, Bobby, told an interesting story. Back before he and his wife had kids, they decided to take a trip to New York City. A friend of his told him that his brother lived there and would be happy to help them find their way around and would most likely even map out an itinerary for them. His friend told him however, his brother was gay, and had a lover. The pastor and his wife decided to take the guy up on it.

They were met in New York City by the gay couple who was thrilled to show them around New York City. They both took off a day of work to help show the pastor and his wife around.

As the pastor and his wife had to leave on a 6:30 flight, the gay couple offered to let them stay with them their last night and take them to the airport. They cooked a great meal, and their friend's brother got up at 2:30 am to take them to the airport.

The gay guy later told his mother that if all Christians were like this pastor and his wife, that he would be more interested in coming back to church.

The rest of the broadcast was along the same line. Talking about how Christians need to love gay people, not accept their sin and say it is OK, but love them and befriend them.

Why do we make homosexuality such a terrible sin and seek to shun those who are gay? The same Bible condemns sex outside of marriage, but the same people who would shun gay people, have no problem with a man, woman, or heterosexual couple coming to their church who are living unmarried and engaging in sex outside of marriage.

The same people have no problem with the drunk or drug addict coming to church. Even the ex-con. But keep the gays out. Why is that?

Yes, the Bible condemns sex between two people of the same gender, but does that mean God doesn't love them? That Christians shouldn't love them? Christians can stand against gay marriage and say what gay people are doing sexually is wrong, but what chance does the average gay person have if Christians shun them and treat them terribly and with disdain? Christians are to be God's arms reaching out to the lost, and that lost includes the homosexual.

Only God knows how many boys, girls, men, and women are sitting in our church pews, silently struggling with same-sex attractions, and scared to death to talk to anyone about it, because of the way the church has treated it. No, the church should not say the sin is OK, but they need to change their attitude. They need to start reaching out to the gay people, and loving them.

Some Christians may fear it is contagious, that if they are around a gay person, that they will "catch it." A ludicrous idea, but I think some Christians have that idea. Another misconception many have, is that if a gay person is around their kids, they will molest them at the first chance. Oh, you're gay, so you like little boys. Oh, you're a heterosexual male, so you like little girls! If someone is reading this and does equate homosexuality with pedophilia, let me be blunt: I am gay, and am attracted to men. Fully developed, adult men. Not young boys. Men. And statistics show that more heterosexuals than homosexuals are child molesters.

There is a book every Christian should read. Loving Homosexuals As Jesus Would by Chad Thompson. Check out his website.  Great book. Helpful for those who are struggling with same-sex attractions too. I think it was Chad who would go to gay pride parades and hand out bottled water to those participating in the parade. He either had a stand, or some way of letting them know he was a Christian. He gave no sermon, no message, just bottled water from a Christian.

Many Christians would recoil at that. Doing something nice for "those kind of people?! No way!"

It has been said that we are never more like Jesus, than when we love. And loving those easy to love and who we agree with, isn't cutting it. It is loving those who we don't agree with, the unlovable, those engaged in sins that we find disgusting.......

I've wondered what kind of reception I'd get at my own church if I came out, said I was gay, and lived that lifestyle. Several know of my struggles, and though most people who know at my church never talk about it with me, neither do they shun me or avoid me. I think if I did do that, some would treat me the same, and some would avoid me and shun me. I'd like to think that the second group would be small, but who knows.

I think there are some similarities between gay people and lepers in Jesus' time. The lepers were shunned and avoided. No one wanted to be around them. If a family member got it, their family kicked them out and avoided them. Sound familiar? That is what the church does with gay people. And there are many cases where parents - and they aren't always Christian parents - kick a son or daughter out of their house and lives when they find out they are gay. How sad. Is it any wonder so many suffer and struggle in silence?

In the Bible, there were cities of refuge. I won't go into a lot of detail, but they were cities where perpetrators of manslaughter could go for asylum. This may be a weird jump to make, but imagine if we were that as Christians. That we would be so known by our loving - even, and especially the homosexual, that they would feel free and without fear to come to us and confide their struggle.

The church has done, and is doing a lot of good. It also has done wrong and still does. And this is just one area, how it treats the homosexual. If we could get it right, if we could love and be a friend to all, even the homosexual, I can't help but think God would be pleased, and we would be much more like Jesus.

The day my parents found out I was gay

I recently shared an excellent article written by someone else about what to do if your child tells you that they are gay. It brought back to my mind how my parents reacted. It has been around 16 years ago, but I'll never forget. In many ways, that was the day a wall went up between my parents and I that may never come down.

   I had been talking to my pastor about my struggles some, though it was over his head, and he wasn't as involved in helping as my current pastor has been. He had asked me at one point if I thought my parents had any suspicions that I struggled in that area, and I had said no. He wanted to talk to me one evening before the Sunday pm service and asked me again. Again, I said "no". To my shock and horror, he informed me that they had found out. Probably all that kept it from being a total disaster, was my parents had gone to my pastor and his wife instead of approaching me directly. He then called them into his study. I try to block it all out, but I do remember my mom asking me who I'd told and demanding that I never tell anyone else. They all prayed, and the next service we were in that had an altar call, my mom literally dragged me to the altar. I was furious and made no effort at all to pray. I got up from the altar determined to be more careful and cover my tracks more.

  The aftermath wasn't pleasant. My mom asked if I'd had sex with any guys, and insisted I get tested for HIV. I couldn't go anywhere without having to tell where I went and why. I would get regular lectures and demands put on me about what I would and would not do. I was 28, but they treated me like I was 10. The more they lectured and the more restrictive they got, the angrier I got.

  To this day, I get almost a sense of satisfaction from hooking up for sex with guys without them knowing. It sounds horrible to admit it, but it is true. I became a master of deception when it came to my secret lifestyle. In fact, the amount of guys I have been with is much, much higher since they found out, then before they found out. At that point, I may have been with around 20 guys at the most. Now, I have no idea, but would guess at least 300..... so their rigidity, demands, and efforts to track my every move did nothing than make me bitter and create high walls between them and I. I was convinced they cared more about people finding out, then actually caring about me and what caused my struggles. Sixteen years hasn't changed that belief, but cemented the fact that they will only love their idea of me, not the real me.


  My family is strange. We are close in some ways. We have fun together and get along great, no fighting among siblings, and stuff that goes on in some families, but I never felt I could talk to my parents about anything. I do remember my dad saying if I had told him about my struggles, he would have done all he could to stop me..... well, I would never have been able to tell them. And I have never been able to talk about it even since they found out. Once the lectures faded away, the topic was thrown in a closet and locked, never to see the light of day again.

   I wish I could talk to my parents about it, but it isn't going to happen. I'd like to tell them the more they hold on, the harder it is for me to feel like a man and break free from these struggles. I'd like to tell them how well I did while living 400 miles away with my best friend, something they fought and made me feel so guilty, I moved back.

  My mom would be horrified if she knew how many people knew about my struggles. I'm not even sure how many people know. I've become much freer in telling people, plus there are people who know that I don't know of.....just recently found out a friend from church knew before he even met me, and he doesn't remember how he found out......which is kind of scary, but then I'm at the point I don't really care who knows.

  Had I grown up feeling more loved and accepted by my parents, I may have felt more free to talk to them about this stuff, but I didn't. As my youngest sister told me recently, she always felt she had to act in a certain way, achieve a certain level in everything she did to make them accept and love her... so it wasn't just me. Of course, had I felt more loved and accepted, maybe the same sex attraction wouldn't have been an issue, or as much of an issue.

  There are people who have had it worse than I did. Teenagers kicked out of their home when their parents found out they were gay, or beaten by their fathers for being gay. Parents will never get it right in handling the issue, until the church gets it right. The answer is not total acceptance of homosexuality and letting people think its OK with God. The answer is to still call sin a sin, but to show more love toward the sinner and not shun them or make them feel they are subhuman and beyond God's grace because they are gay.

“Mom, Dad… I’m Gay.” A Christian Parent’s Response by David Murray

Another excellent article worth reading from Christianity.com by David Murray who is a pastor, professor, and author. Link to article here.

Rachel Held Evans concludes her blog post If my son or daughter were gay with this paragraph:

If God blesses Dan and me with a child who is gay, I would want that child to know without a doubt that he or she is loved unconditionally. I would want her to know nothing could separate her from the love of God in Christ. I would want her to know that she isn’t broken, she isn’t an embarrassment, she isn’t a disappointment.  May I be part of creating a world in which I will not have to protect her from the bullies.

 

I believe Rachel’s motivation is to create a more welcoming and loving environment in the church for those who identify themselves as homosexuals, or who struggle with homosexual desire. I admire and agree with her motive, and must say that I’ve learned from her in this area of being much more careful in how I speak and write about homosexuality.

However, I would challenge Rachel in two areas.

First, she doesn’t communicate any concern about the sinfulness of homosexual desires nor the immorality of homosexual actions. She seems to convey that homosexual desires are not part of human brokenness, and that to pursue homosexual practices does not have any bearing on a person’s relationship with Christ. No matter what they do, they remain Christ’s “little ones.” There is no indication that she sees anything wrong or unbiblical about homosexuality.

Second, Rachel seems to identify everyone who takes the view that homosexual desires are part of broken human sinfulness, and that homosexual actions are sin, as bullies. Are there bullies who hold these views? Yes, sadly, of course there are. However, it’s irresponsible and unfair to group all who say that homosexuality is immoral as bullies of Christ’s little ones. In doing so, Rachel is, unwittingly I’m sure, aiding and abetting the militant LGBT movement who want to demonize and silence all opposition to their agenda.

I’d like to offer an alternative response to Rachel. It’s not perfect either, I’m sure. Like many Christians I’m still learning how to respond to the social and cultural revolution of the past ten years or so. However, I think it is more biblical than Rachel’s, without being bullying.

First of all, I’d say to any parent in this situation, to be thankful that your son (or daughter) told you; that he felt your relationship was strong enough and safe enough for this major disclosure. Tell him that you understand how this is one of the hardest things for a young person ever to admit to; that you realize it has probably been preceded by months, maybe years, of struggle, pain, and fear.

Second, assure him of your unchanged love in both word and deed. Put your arms around him, hug him tightly. Tell him that you will continue to seek his very best, as you have always done. Promise him that you will not disown him, reject him, throw him out, or cut him off. Rather you will continue to involve him in family activities and that you’ll do everything in your power to ensure the rest of the family respond in the same way.

Third, STOP. Ask him for time to think and pray about what he’s told you, even just for a day. It would be a grave mistake to start trying to ask “why?” or “how?” It would be an even greater mistake at this early stage to launch into sermon mode or to starting quoting bible verses. You need time to process this and he needs time to recover from the trauma of telling you. Ask him if it’s okay to just press “pause” for a day as you think it through.

Fourth, when you do start speaking on a deeper level, begin by sharing with him how you also are broken in your own sexuality. Emphasize that you have had your own struggles with sex and many failings, but that you also take your sexual brokenness to a forgiving God who cleanses from sin, sometimes take away the temptation, and other times gives the grace to resist the urgings (1 Cor. 10:13).

Fifth, begin to ask some questions. Tell him that you’re asking them to help you both to understand this better. Some questions might be:

• What do you mean by “I think I’m gay”?
• What thoughts, feelings, and actions make you say that?
• How long has this been going on for? Is it possible it’s just temporary confusion about sexuality that some teenagers go through?
• What is your own view of it? Do you think it’s wrong and are you seeking help to change and be delivered?  Or do you think it’s right? Are you therefore planning to pursue homosexual relationships? Or are you in one already?

Some other important questions can be found here.

Sixth, if your son agrees that homosexuality is sinful, and he wants to have victory over these temptations, then there are many Gospel promises you can encourage him with. Having our sins forgiven and our consciences cleansed of guilt is THE most powerful force in the world for battling temptation. Without it, there can be no lasting victory.

However, if he says that he believes homosexuality to be okay and he’s decided to pursue it, then while assuring him of your continued love and care, you must lovingly warn him of the spiritual and physical dangers of homosexuality. Perhaps ask him if he’d be willing to discuss certain Bible passages with you.

Seventh, I’d encourage the son not to see himself as a homosexual, not to define himself by his sexuality. Rather I’d want him to see himself as creature made in God’s image, a man with many parts to his identity, a person with many gifts, a son with a diverse character and personality, one part of which, at least for the moment, is to have a homosexual desires.

Eighth, I would ask him to keep coming to church, especially as homosexuality is sometimes the result of worshipping self rather than God (Romans 1:24-25). But I would ask his permission to let the pastor know about his situation because I’d want to urge the pastor to greater sensitivity towards those struggling with homosexuality.

Like Rachel, I too have winced and cringed as preachers have condemned homosexuality as if it is an unforgiveable abomination that only weird and wicked people outside of church struggled with. Is it somehow inconceivable that there are some in our churches who have struggled with homosexual desire and have fallen into sin in this area? What hope do we offer them? If our message is only guilt, without a hint of grace, then yes, we may well be causing little ones to stumble into depression, despair, and even suicide.

Where I do disagree with Rachel, is her refusal to accept that hell and judgment are any part of the Christian message about sin, including homosexual sin. As Jesus makes clear, we also risk making little ones stumble if we tell them that they don’t need to cut sin out of their lives (Mark 8: 24-28; Matt. 5:19). God often uses the Bible’s message about sin, death, and hell to draw sinners to His love. Read, for example, Jackie Hill’s Love Letter to a Lesbian, about how God did just that when she was living a lesbian lifestyle.

I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell was completely true.

 

And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.

 

Yes, the Gospel welcomes sinners, heterosexual and homosexual sinners, but, thanks be to God, it does not leave us there (1 Cor. 6:9-11).

David Murray is Professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and has also recently accepted the call to be the Pastor of Grand Rapids Free Reformed Church. He is the author of Christians get depressed too, How Sermons Work, and the forthcoming Jesus on Every Page. He blogs at HeadHeartHand and you can follow him on Twitter @DavidPMurray.

Lessons from Jonah, a re-post

In an effort to be more positive, I have re-posted some of my blog posts before. I did this one back in August of 2012. I don't feel I am that great of a writer, but I did like this one after reading over it:

I recently was priveledged to see a great production of the Bible story of Jonah. It was both entertaining and moving. They brought out the Gospel in it like I never got from reading the Biblical narrative of the story. It was powerful.

The best scene was after Jonah gave his message to the people of Ninevah. They repented, stripped off their outer armor and royal robes and sang the following song. I found the song on Youtube and will put the video also:


I’m Free

By Don Harper

I was shackled in the chains of my own making
Drowning in a sea of all my woe
Somehow I knew a reckoning was coming
Bitter tears would only sting this ravaged soul
Then the God of earth and Heaven
He showed Himself among us
And falling to my knees, I finally prayed
“Jehovah God on high
If I live or if I die
Take this burden of my sin away”

And now I am free
I’m finally free
With a mercy amazing
A miracle’s been given me
‘Cause now I’m free
By the hand of my Savior
My debt has been redeemed
And far as the east is from the west
This God alone is the difference in me
For now I’m free
I am free, oh yes I am free

I am free, thank God I am free!
In the mercy and grace that You give each morning
We will sing Your praise
Every voice we will raise
To the end of our days
We will bless Your name
And now I’m free
I am finally free
With a mercy amazing
A miracle’s been given me
‘Cause now I’m free
By the hand of the Savior
My debt has been redeemed
And far as the east is from the west
This God alone is the difference in me

For now we’re free
Free, we’re free
Oh we’re free
Now we’re free
Yes we’re free
Free, we’re free.
Oh we’re free
Now we’re free
Yes, we’re free
Free, we’re free
Oh, we’re free
We’re free!

They sang this song twice. The second time, Jonah led it as the closing song of the production. The song is powerful and I cried both times. It loses some of its power on a CD. It was so much more seeing people in repentance singing it. It really hit me hard.

I had some thoughts I wanted to get down as I watched the show, and will do my best to get them across in my bumbling way:

1) Everyone has a Ninevah.
At some point in any Christian's life, there is going to be something He fears to do, yet knows that he needs to. There is going to be something God wants him to do that he doesn't want to do.

Right there in that theater, my Ninevah came to me. Homosexuality. I know God wants me to walk away from it forever, yet it is so hard to do so. It has woven its chains around my heart, soul, and mind.

And they aren't the only chains I wear. I told someone recently that I am in bondage to my family, especially my parents. They want to keep me close by where they can monitor me, make sure I am living up to their expectations. I have had this strong feeling lately that I need some space between them and I to be what God wants, not what they want. That will be hard, and although I can't claim to be where I need to be with God yet, I am already praying to Him about it. I made the statement to a friend of mine, and it is true: if it came down to knowing God wanted me to do something, and my parents didn't want me to do it....... I'm not sure I could do what God wanted me to do.

Another chain is religion. I was raised in a strict conservative church. A lot of focus is on the outward. Too much. I grew up judging people's Christianity by how they look. Is the outward important? Yes. The Bible does talk about modesty, and I believe it is Biblical that men should look like men and women like women. If you can't tell what gender someone is, how is that pleasing to God........ but should men tell us how to dress? What to do and what not to do? If people really want to please God, they won't need rules from their church. They will let God show them. And if they really love God and want to please Him, they won't try to get as close to the edge of what is right or wrong.

The day may come when I need to change churches, or just get away from the church and seek out what God expects from me. I would face a lot of pressure and be fought on that, but can I run from that? Should I just do what my church says and what my parents expect to keep others happy?

Another Ninevah: I have felt for some time that God wants to use my struggles. That scares me. I don't mind talking about them on a blog where I am anonymous or even talking one on one, but to come out in public.... yikes. I feel like running already.

2) When you are running from something, you are running to something else, and often that is worse than what you are running from.
This thought isn't original with me. That statement was made in the Jonah production, and it really hit home. And it is true. Not just for Jonah. I thought about this, and it is true for me.

This may sound I like I made it up, but when I heard that statement, it was if God leaned down and told me that I had been running toward homosexuality all these years, and it was worse than what I was running from.

For years, I have been running. Running from loneliness, from negative feelings. Any time I felt those emotions, I'd turn to pornography and anonymous sex to ease the loneliness and emptiness within me.

But the thing is, what I ran to was worse than what I was running from. I cannot describe the feelings I have experienced with so many sexual encounters. Many were with guys whose names I didn't even know. There were times I dabbled in things that I never thought I would, just to fill a void. But the void got worse.

Can a gay guy find a solution to loneliness in homosexuality? Can they find love? Some may for a while. Gay relationships just don't last very long. And I have to wonder about the ones that do. Is it really love, or is it just a really close friendship. From what I have seen, most gay relationships that last a long time have a few things in common:

1) One or both of the couple is cheating on the other.
2) The couple has a 3rd or more in to have fun with
3) Sex is rare and sometimes non-existent

God has never, and will never, ordain a sexual relationship between people of the same gender, and that is why I believe the relationships don't last. I have thought about totally walking away from what I know is right, embrace my gayness and seek a relationship, but it wouldn't last. In the end, I would be worse off than ever, and more broken.

How much better off I would have been if I had run from homosexuality instead of running toward it. I haven't escaped loneliness or emptiness. I feel more lonely than ever and more empty and broken than I was before I took those steps to pursue my desires, instead of God's. What I ran toward is indeed worse than what I ran from. And in running toward my sexual desires, I ran from God and what He wanted for my life.

3) God gives second (and more) chances.
Through Jonah. God said He was going to destroy Ninevah in 40 days. After they repented, God let them live and did not destroy them. And Jonah got a second chance to do what God had commanded him to do. Where would any of us be if God did not give us more than one chance? Most of us would not be alive. And He has given me countless chances.

4) We don't always get what we deserve.
Jonah didn't deserve to get out of the whale. He was a prophet of God who was determined to not do what God wanted him to do, yet God gave him a wake-up call instead of death. And the people of Ninevah deserved to be destroyed. They were wicked, yet God forgave them when they repented and did not destroy the city.

I hate to think of what I deserve. AIDS, death...... yet I am healthy. I've had a few scares, yet I am alive and healthy. After having sexual encounters with 200+ men...... could it be because God has a plan for my life in spite of all my mess ups, all my sin, all my running?

5) God can and will forgive anyone.
The devil is a powerful and smart enemy and strategist. He doesn't just have one weapon, he has countless weapons. One is lies. If he can get us to believe certain lies, most of his battle is won. He has had me convinced that God doesn't care, doesn't love me, that I have sinned to badly and too often to ever be completely forgiven. But that is a lie.

God can and will forgive anyone. He forgave the wicked people of Ninevah. If the Colorado shooter would repent and seek God, God would forgive him. He would still need to face punishment for his crimes, but God would forgive him...... so why not me? Yes, I have sinned and been far from what God wanted, but I am not beyond redemption, I have not done anything God will not forgive. And I need to remind myself of that daily.

6) God can use anyone. After running from what God asked him to do, and being swallowed by a fish, Jonah didn't seem like someone that God could use, but he was. And a whole city repented and found God.

When I look at myself, I can't see anything that God could possibly use. My talents seem few and small. I have failed him more than I haven't. I feel below average. But if I surrender to Him, who knows how He could use me.


The story of Jonah is much more than just a story about a man that ran from God and got swallowed by a big fish. Read it and think about it.

It has really resonated in me. I wanted to run to God and beg His forgiveness. I didn't do that, but it has changed me.

Some may disagree with me, but I am working on changing some things before I take that step. I have been changing some behaviors and thought patterns. I could take that step now, but I would fall at the first temptation or trial.

I am reading my Bible and praying. Those are things I hadn't done in over 2 years. I am asking God to help me believe and to work in my life. I am working on believing that He loves me. I am changing things in my life that are harmful - thoughts, behaviors, actions. I strongly feel I need to learn more about God, and that I need to work on some areas before I attempt to truly serve Him again. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel God is rushing me.

I hope I got across the thoughts I have had on my mind since seeing the production of Jonah. It truly was a powerful message.

<

I’m Christian, unless you’re gay, by Dan Pearce

Ran across this blog post by Dan Pearce on his blog, Single Dad Laughing. Link here. There are a few curse words in the post, so be forewarned, and neither do I agree 100% with all he says.......... but its still an excellent post and he makes some great points:

Today I want to write about something that has bothered me for the better part of a decade. I’ve carved out no fewer than a dozen drafts of this post, all strangely unalike, all ultimately failing to accomplish the job I’ve set out to do. Truth is, I’ve been trying to write it off and on for more than a year now, and the right words have been seemingly impossible to come by.

In the end, and in order to post it, I guess I had to care more about the message than I do about potential backlash. I’m not being facetious when I say that I hope I can get this message across without offending… well… everybody.

What I really hope is that this post will spark and encourage poignant and worthwhile discussion that will lead to some poignant and worthwhile changes in the lives of at least a few people who are hurting.

That being said, I believe some strong words need to be said today.

“God hates fags.” We’ve all seen the signs being waved high in the air by members of the Westboro Baptist church. On TV. In real life. It’s hard not to take notice.

Over the years, I’ve watched seemingly never-ending disgustingness and hatred spill across the media airwaves from those who belong to the organization. For those who don’t know much about that “church,” they have made a seedy name for themselves by doing drastic things like picketing beneath atrocious signs and hosting flagrant anti-gay protests at military funerals.

Almost every person of nearly every religion has no problem loathing and condemning the Westboro Baptist Church and its members, and perhaps with reason. They take freedom of speech far beyond what our founding fathers intended when they fought to give us that right, and they laugh at the rest of the world while they do.

But today I don’t want to talk about those idiots. I want to talk about you. And me.

And my friend who I’ll call Jacob.
Jacob is 27  years old, and guess what… he’s gay.

Not a lot of people know. He lives in a community where being gay is still very “frowned upon.”
I was talking to him on the phone a few weeks ago, telling him about my failed attempts to write this post. He was trying to hold his emotions in, but he eventually became tearful as we deliberated the very problem that this post attempts to discuss.

Before I go on, I feel I must say something one time. Today’s post is not about homosexuality. It’s not about Christians. It’s not about religion. It’s not about politics. It’s about something else altogether. Something greater. Something simpler.

It’s about love.
It’s about kindness.
It’s about friendship

And love, kindness, and friendship are three things that Jacob hasn’t felt in a long time.
I’m thankful he gave me permission to share our conversation with you. It went something like this.
“Jacob, I honestly don’t know how to write it,” I said. “I know what I want to get across, but I can never find the right words.”

“Dan, you need to write it. Don’t give up. I’m telling you, it needs to be said.”
I paused. “You don’t understand. It’s too heated a subject. It’s something people are very emotional and touchy about. I’d be lynched.”

My friend hesitated. “Dan, you are the only friend I have that knows I’m gay. The only freaking one,” he said.

“What do you mean? I know you’ve told other friends.”

That’s when his voice cracked. He began crying.

“Every single person I’ve told has ditched me. They just disappear. They stop calling. They remove me on Facebook. They’re just gone,” he said. “They can’t handle knowing and being friends with a gay person.”

I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything.

“You don’t know what it’s like, man. You don’t know what it’s like to live here and be gay. You don’t know what it’s like to have freaking nobody. You don’t know what it’s like to have your own parents hate you and try and cover up your existence. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want this. And I’m so tired of people hating me for it. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.”

How do you respond to that?

I wanted to tell him it was all in his head. I knew it wasn’t. I wanted to tell him it would get better and easier. The words would have been hollow and without conviction, and I knew it.

You see, I live in this community too. And I’ve heard the hate. I’ve heard the disgust. I’ve heard the disdain. I’ve heard the gossip. I’ve heard the distrust. I’ve heard the anger. I’ve heard it all, and I’ve heard it tucked and disguised neatly beneath a wrapper of self-righteousness and a blanket of “caring” or “religious” words. I’ve heard it more times than I care to number.

About gay people.
About people who dress differently.
About people who act differently.
About fat people.
About people with drug addictions.
About people who smoke.
About people with addictions to alcohol.
About people with eating disorders.
About people who fall away from their faiths.
About people who aren’t members of the dominant local religion.
About people who have non-traditional piercings.
About people who just look at you or me the wrong way.
I’ve heard it, and I’ve heard it over, and over, and over again.

Hell, in the past (and to some degree in the present) I participated in it. I propagated it. I smugly took part in it. I’ll admit that.

And I did so under the blanketing term “Christian.” I did so believing that my actions were somehow justified because of my beliefs at the time. I did so, actually believing that such appointments were done out of… love.

This isn’t just a Utah phenomenon. I’ve lived outside of this place. I’ve worked outside of this place. It was just as bad in Denver. It was just as bad in California. I see it on blogs. I hear it on television shows and radio programs. I hear it around my own family’s dinner table from time to time. Usually said so passively, so sneakily, and so “righteously.”

From Christians.
From Buddhists.
From Hindus.
From Muslims.
From Jews.

“God hates fags.” “God hates addicts.” “God hates people who shop at Salvation Army.” “God hates people that aren’t just like me.”

People may not be holding up picket signs and marching around in front of television cameras but… come on. Why is it that so many incredible people who have certain struggles, problems, or their own beliefs of what is right and wrong feel so hated? Why do they feel so judged? Why do they feel so… loathed? What undeniable truth must we all eventually admit to ourselves when such is the case?
Now, I’m not religious. I’m also not gay. But I’ll tell you right now that I’ve sought out religion. I’ve looked for what I believe truth to be. For years I studied, trying to find “it”. Every major religion had good selling points. Every major religion, if I rewound far enough, had some pretty incredible base teachings from some pretty incredible individuals.

Check this out, and feel free to correct me if I get this wrong…

According to Christians, Jesus taught a couple of interesting things. First, “love one another.” Second, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (“Her” being a woman who cheated on her man.)

According to Buddhists, Buddha taught a couple of thought-provoking things. First, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.” Second, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
According to Hindus, a couple of fascinating teachings come to mind. First, “Do not get angry or harm any living creature, but be compassionate and gentle; show good will to all.” (Krishna) Second, “Love means giving selflessly, excluding none and including all.” (Rama)

According to Muslims, Muhammad taught a couple interesting things as well. First, “A true Muslim is the one who does not defame or abuse others; but the truly righteous becomes a refuge for humankind, their lives and their properties.” Second, “Do you love your creator? Love your fellow-beings first.”

According to Judaism, their scriptures teach a couple remarkable things. First, “Love your neighbor like yourself.” Second, “Examine the contents, not the bottle.”

The greatest spiritual leaders in history have all preached love for others as the basis for all happiness, and never did they accompany such mandates with a list of unlovable actions or deeds. They never said, love everybody except for the gays. Love everybody except for the homeless. Love everybody except for the drug users. Love everybody except for the gang members, or those covered in ink, or the spouse abusers. They didn’t tell us it was okay to love everybody with the exception of the “trailer trash,” those living in poverty, or the illegal immigrants. They didn’t tell us it was okay to love everybody except for our ex-lovers, our lovers’ ex lovers, or our ex-lovers’ lovers. The mandate was pretty damn clear, wasn’t it?

Love others.
Period.

So if this is the founding directive of all the major religions… why is it that sometimes the most “Christlike” people are they who have no religion at all?

Let me repeat that.
Why is it that sometimes the most Christlike people are they who have no religion at all?
I have known a lot of people in my life, and I can tell you this… Some of the ones who understood love better than anyone else were those who the rest of the world had long before measured as lost or gone. Some of the people who were able to look at the dirtiest, the poorest, the gays, the straights, the drug users, those in recovery, the basest of sinners, and those who were just… plain… different…
They were able to look at them all and only see strength. Beauty. Potential. Hope.
And if we boil it down, isn’t that what love actually is?

Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of incredible Christians, too. I know some incredible Buddhists and Muslims and Hindus and Jews.  I know a lot of amazing people, devout in their various religions, who truly love the people around them.

I also know some atheist, agnostic, or religionless people who are absolutely hateful of believers. They loathe their religious counterparts. They love only those who believe (or don’t believe) the same things they do.

In truth, having a religion doesn’t make a person love or not love others. It doesn’t make a person accept or not accept others. It doesn’t make a person befriend or not befriend others.

Being without a religion doesn’t make somebody do or be any of that either.

No, what makes somebody love, accept, and befriend their fellow man is letting go of a need to be better than others.

Nothing else.
I know there are many here who believe that living a homosexual life is a sin.
Okay.
But, what does that have to do with love?
I repeat… what does that have to do with love?

Come on. Don’t we understand? Don’t we get it? To put our arm around someone who is gay, someone who has an addiction, somebody who lives a different lifestyle, someone who is not what we think they should be… doing that has nothing to do with enabling them or accepting what they do as okay by us. It has nothing to do with encouraging them in their practice of what you or I might feel or believe is wrong vs right.

It has everything to do with being a good human being. A good person. A good friend.
That’s all.

To put our arm around somebody who is different. Why is that so hard?

I’m not here to say homosexuality is a sin or isn’t a sin. To be honest, I don’t give a rip. I don’t care. I’m not here to debate whether or not it’s natural or genetic. Again, I… don’t… care. Those debates hold no encumbrance for me.

What I care about is the need so many of us have to shun and loathe others. The need so many of us have to feel better or superior to others. The need some of us have to declare ourselves right and “perfect” all the freaking time and any chance we have.

And for some of us, these are very real needs.
But I will tell you this. All it really is… All any of it really is… is bullying.
Sneaky, hurtful, duplicitous, bullying.
Well, guess what.
There are things we all do or believe that other people consider “sinful.” There are things we all do or believe that other people consider “wrong.” There are things we all do or believe that other people would be disgusted or angered by.
“Yes, but I have the truth!” most people will adamantly declare.
Okay.
Whether you do or not…

I promise you it doesn’t matter what you believe, how strongly you live your beliefs, or how true your beliefs are. Somebody else, somewhere, thinks you are in the wrong. Somebody else, somewhere, thinks your beliefs are senseless or illogical. Somebody else, somewhere, thinks you have it all wrong. In fact, there are a lot of people in this world who do.

We each understand that. We already know that. It’s the world we live in and we’re not naïve. We’re not stupid. We get it.

Yet, we expect and want love anyway. We expect and want understanding. We expect and want tolerance. We expect and want humanity. We expect and want respect for our beliefs, even from those who don’t believe the same things we do. Even from those who think we’re wrong, unwise, or incorrect.

We expect all of that from the people who disagree with us and who disagree with our lifestyles and beliefs because, let’s be honest, nothing we do is actually bad enough to be worthy of disgust, anger, hatred, or cold-shouldering. Right? None of the ways in which we live our lives would warrant such behavior. Right? None of our beliefs are worthy of ugly disdain from others.

Right?
No, we’re all… perfect. Freaking, amazingly, impossibly… perfect.
But the gays… well, shoot.
[sigh]
You know what I think?
Let this sink in for a minute…
I think it doesn’t matter if you or I or anybody else thinks homosexuality is a sin. It doesn’t matter if you or I think anything is a sin. It doesn’t matter if homosexuality is a sin or not. In fact, it doesn’t matter if anything anybody else does is a sin or not.

Because sin is a very personal thing! It always has been and it always will be!
And it has nothing to do with love.
Absolutely nothing.
Disparity and difference have nothing to do with love.
We shouldn’t choose who we will love and who we won’t.
“I’m Christian, unless you’re gay.”
That’s the message we’re sending, you know.
“I’m Christian, unless I’m hotter than you.”
“I’m Christian, unless I’m uglier than you.”
“I’m Christian, unless I found out you cheated on your income taxes.”
“I’m Christian, unless you cut me off in traffic.”
“I’m Christian, unless you fall in love with the person I once fell in love with.”
“I’m Christian, unless you’re that guy who smells like crap on the subway.”
“I’m Christian, unless you’re of a different religion.”

“Oh, but you’re not gay? You’re clean, and well dressed, and you have a job? You look the way I think you should look? You act the way I think you should act? You believe the things I think you should believe? Then I’m definitely a Christian. To you, today, I’m a Christian. You’ve earned it.”
I bet you’ve heard that message coming from others. Maybe you’ve given that message to others.

Either way, I hope we all can agree that we mustn’t live that message. We just shouldn’t.
But many of us do.
And we do it all the time.
For some of us, it might as well be tattooed across our necks and foreheads.
Maybe not in those words, but the message is clear to those who hear and are listening. It’s clear to those who are watching and seeing.

The message has been very clear to my friend Jacob.

“Every single person I’ve told has ditched me. They just disappear. They stop calling. They remove me on Facebook. They’re just gone. They can’t handle knowing and being friends with a gay person.”

“You don’t know what it’s like, man. You don’t know what it’s like to live here and be gay. You don’t know what it’s like to have freaking nobody. You don’t know what it’s like to have your own parents hate you and try and cover up your existence. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t want this. And I’m so tired of people hating me for it. I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t.”

Jacob is a dear friend. He’s my brother. He’s a damn good human being. He’s absolutely incredible.
He’s also gay.

But why does that make any difference at all?
It doesn’t. Not to me.

And I wish with everything inside of me that it didn’t make any difference to others. I wish we didn’t all have to find ways that we’re better than others or more holy and saintly than others in order to feel better about our own messy selves. I wish people wouldn’t cluster entire groups of people together and declare the whole lot unworthy of any love and respect.

But that is the point of such thinking and action, isn’t it? I mean, it’s simpler that way. It makes it easier for us to justify our thoughts, words, and prejudices that way.

All these people become clumped together. And in the process, they all somehow become less than human.
They become unworthy of our love.
And what a great thing it is when that happens, right? I mean, it helps us to free ourselves from the very directives that have been passed down for millennia from the greatest teachers and philosophers in history. It makes our rationalization for hatred, bigotry, and abhorrence so easily justifiable; so maskable.

So right.
It gives us the golden chance to look at ourselves and not be disgusted by what the glass reflects back at us.

Then, sadly and ultimately, it pushes us to that point where we no longer have any sort of arm to put around others at all. We no longer have a hand to offer our fellow human beings. We no longer have a need to.

And why would we?
Why the hell should we?
Unless, of course, we actually want to live what we all so often claim that we “believe.”
My dear friends…
This has to stop. We have to put our ugly picket signs down. We have to be the examples that help make it happen in our own lives and in the lives of the people that surround us.
We have to be that voice. We each must be that voice.

We must tell others that we will not accept or listen to such hurtful and hateful sentiments.
We must show love where love right now doesn’t exist.

Will you please join me?

My request today is simple. Today. Tomorrow. Next week. Find somebody, anybody, that’s different than you. Somebody that has made you feel ill-will or even [gulp...] hateful. Somebody whose life decisions have made you uncomfortable. Somebody who practices a different religion than you do. Somebody who has been lost to addiction. Somebody with a criminal past. Somebody who dresses “below” you. Somebody with disabilities. Somebody who lives an alternative lifestyle. Somebody without a home.

Somebody that you, until now, would always avoid, always look down on, and always be disgusted by.

Reach your arm out and put it around them.

And then, tell them they’re all right. Tell them they have a friend. Tell them you love them.
If you or I wanna make a change in this world, that’s where we’re gonna be able to do it. That’s where we’ll start.
Every. Single. Time.

Because what you’ll find, and I promise you this, is that the more you put your arm around those that you might naturally look down on, the more you will love yourself. And the more you love yourself, the less need you’ll ever have to find fault or be better than others.  And the less we all find fault or have a need to be better than others, the quicker this world becomes a far better place to live.
And don’t we all want to live in a better world? Don’t we all want our kids to grow up in a better, less hateful, more beautiful world?

I know I do.
So let’s be that voice. Let’s offer that arm to others. Because, the honest truth is… there’s gonna come a day when you or I are going to need that same courtesy. There’s going to come a day that we are desperate for that same arm to be put around us. We’ll be desperate for that same friendship. We’ll be desperate for that same love.

Life will make sure of it. For you. For me. For everyone.

It always does because… as it turns out… there’s not a damn person on earth who’s perfect.
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
PS. I would love your comments and thoughts today. More than anything, I’d really like to hear people’s individual struggles. I’d like to hear your struggles. I believe that everybody will benefit as we all share that which hurts us and haunts us.
When have you seen or experienced this? What effects has it had in your life or the lives of others that are close to you? Have you ever seen positive results as people become more loving toward those who are different? How have you felt along the way?
There are those who have struggled because they have been on the receiving end of it. And there are those who have struggled as they work to overcome it. I’ve grappled on both sides.
This message is so important to me; among the most important that this faulted blogger has ever written and because of that I have no hesitation asking you to share it. If it’s important to you, too, please share it. If you believe its message needs to be spread, please share it. Use your voice for that which it was meant.
Use your voice to embolden the world. Use your voice to say, “enough is enough.” Use your voice to stand up and declare that there is no other way besides love.
With all my heart. Please.

A Message To The Church From A So-Called “Ex-Gay” by Matt Moore

Another post from Matt Moore while I am on a "hiatus" of sorts from blogging my own stuff. Original link here.

 

 

(You all know much I don’t like the term “Ex-Gay”, but for the sake of not having a super long title, and since it’s the most recognized term for people like me, I’ve chosen to use it here. Please don’t assume that by using that term I mean that I have ceased to experience same sex attraction or have experienced any kind of sexual “re-orienation.”)

     With the ever quickening shift of our culture away from a moral/biblical view toward sexuality, I think there is a very real temptation for some Christians, especially in the American Church, to shift alongside the culture and adopt a different (unbiblical) view of sexuality…or just to sit back and remain silent about it. And I don’t think my concern is unwarranted, because it’s already happening. I’m not going to call out any names, ministries, or church denominations in this blog—-I don’t wish to give them any more publicity than they have already attained.

     What I do want to do with this blog is urge every Christian that stumbles upon it not to compromise the gospel for the sake of social acceptance—or for the sake of anything else for that matter. Do not listen to the voices out there demanding your silence in the name of  what they call “tolerance.” Do not reject, or even subtly neglect, the truths in the Bible–such as truths about the sin of homosexual behavior–just because they are hard for the world to hear and accept. Don’t listen to the professing “Christians” telling you the Church has misinterpreted the Scriptures for 2,000 years and that the Bible really does not condemn homosexual behavior. And please, do not throw out the truth of God because you hear of gay kids being bullied or committing suicide—these stories are horrifyingly sad—but the the condemn-able sins of the bullies do not make homosexual behavior any less of a sin. We should all (regardless of religious affiliation) be deeply troubled about kids being bullied for being gay (or weird, quirky, ugly, etc. for that matter) and do all we can to combat it, but denying the revealed truth about God regarding homosexuality can not be an option for the Christian.

     Now hear me… and please hear me clearly… I am not saying you need to get on facebook every morning and post verses from Leviticus. I’m not saying you need to get all Westboro and picket gay marriage ceremonies. What I’m saying is that when you are put in a situation where you must take a stand on this issue—whether that be in sharing the gospel with a gay person, a discussion with family members, or whatever the case—stand firm in the truth. Do not be ashamed in saying, “I don’t fully understand homosexuality, and I know those who struggle with it don’t get to choose who they’re attracted to; I can not possibly begin to understand what’s that like. But I know that God condemns the behavior and forbids acting out on those temptations for the good of the person, because He loves them. God created our bodies and He created sex, so He has the authority to say how, and with who, it should take place. He doesn’t want us to disobey Him because all disobedience does is separate us further from God and harden our hearts even more toward Him. I know that if they will turn from sin, trust in Jesus for forgiveness from ALL sin, and enter into a relationship with God through Him, they will experience far greater joy than anything in this world—including a gay relationship—could ever offer them. And I believe, even though it saddens me deeply, that if the person will not turn from sin and follow Jesus, God will be just in condemning them…. not because they’re attracted to the same sex, but because they’ve rejected His Lordship, authority, and offer of salvation in Jesus.”

     I am also not saying that holding firmly to the truth means you should separate yourself from the gay people in your life. By all means, bring them into your homes, go into their homes, share meals, share discussions… do life with these people and love them unconditionally. But please do not, even for a second— for the sake of their souls—condone their embracing of sin. Do not, even for a second—for the sake of their souls—assure them that they are safe in Christ. Now, I understand the ramifications of not compromising on this issue. I understand that in many situations, no matter how loving, tender, meek and lowly you are, the person embracing sin will angrily reject you and your friendship and separate themselves from you if you will not actively and vocally support their lifestyle. Even when this occurs… do not compromise the truth of God, and your witness, by condoning their embracing of sin. It is the gospel that is causing the division, not you… and Jesus promised this would happen.

     ”Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”- Matthew 10:34-39

     If you’ve followed my writing for any amount of time, you know how hard I push for extending sympathy, love and a humble attitude toward the gay community. But I think it is just as vital, especially in these politically and socially charged times, to be just as adamant about standing in the truth of the Jesus as we are about extending the love and compassion of Jesus. The embracing of homosexual behavior (or the silence in regard to it) in the church is nothing more than a denial of the reality of sin and ultimately a denial of our Lord who came to save us from sin.

     From personal experience I can tell you that it is when the body of Christ holds tightly to the truth of Christ, while extending the love of Christ, that hearts are softened and changed. Earlier this year when I was doubting everything that I had come to believe (the Bible) and was considering leaving the Church to enter into a gay relationship, my brothers and sisters in Christ came alongside me and truly exemplified the love and patience of God toward me. They talked with me, listened to me, cried with me. And they were also unwaveringly honest with me about the danger of embracing sin again… that it would ultimately mean that I was rejecting Christ. They assured me with all of their hearts that they were there for me no matter what I chose…. but if I decided to choose to embrace what God defines as sin, I could not be able to remain a member of the Church (I know that sounds harsh to most people…. but it’s exactly what Paul commanded the Corinthian Church to do regarding the unrepentant sexually immoral man in 1 Corinthians 5. It’s also what how Jesus commanded the situation to be handled in Matthew 18:15-17). Through their biblically balanced approach with me and my temporarily unrepentant heart, I experienced both the patience and compassion of God—- while also being constantly reminded of the serious consequences of not repenting. Obviously, here I am and I chose to believe God, turn from sin and keep trusting in Christ–and it was both the kindness of God and the fear of God (continually brought to my attention through other Christians) that the Holy Spirit used to produce repentance in my heart.

     Don’t believe the voices out there saying that it’s impossible to both be truthful and graceful. It is possible. I urge you all, for the sake of the souls of the lost, extend the love of God with all your heart—and stand firm in His truth—so that when people do trust in the Jesus you’ve been telling them about, they trust in the real Jesus and not some imaginary, sin-condoning Jesus who doesn’t exist and can’t save them.

The Exodus of the Gospel from Exodus by Matt Moore

Matt Moore's thoughts on the Exodus International closing. Link to post here.

Two months ago I posted a farewell blog post—because I believe that the Lord was leading me into a quieter, and more private, season of life—and He has definitely done so. With that being said, I am incredibly burderned about the things that are going on in the life of the nation-wide church in regard to ministry to people who experience homosexual attractions—and that is why I have decided to post this blog. If you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re aware of Exodus Inernational’s apology to the gay community and their announcement of shutting down. If not, please google and read up before you read any further here.

I will preface my thoughts with the fact that I am not and never have been tied to Exodus International. I also have never opposed Exodus International (specifically in regard to this blog). But I have been observant over the past two years of the shifts that have been taking place in the way the leadership of this ministry proclaims the gospel, and more importantly, how those shifts have influenced those within the sphere of the “Faith & Homosexuality” world. I’ve talked with Alan Chambers quite a few times since we first connected in 2010, and I legitimately believe that his desire is to see people live a vibrant life through a relationship with Jesus Christ. But what scares me about the things I’ve been hearing come out of Exodus (again, not just in the last few days… but the last two years) is that in their well-intended desire to appeal to and identify with the gay community, it seems to me that they have adopted a people-pleasing attitude—-a people-pleasing attitude that is not afraid to sacrifice the central truths of the gospel on the altars of friendship, relevance and relatability. Central truths like repentance. Now I am not for slinging someone’s sin in their face every chance we get. But when it comes down to it, I would never say, “Well, I’m not God, and it’s not my place to judge your relationship with God” (this statement basically sums up everything that I’ve been hearing come from Exodus for quite some time now) if I know that person is living in unrepentant, habitual sin.

No, we are not God, and we do not have the authority to say that someone will definitely be condemned—-nor do we have authority to say someone will defintely be saved, for that matter. But what we are is believers in God through Christ, who believe the Scripture to be His revealed will and truth, and therefore have the responsibility to lovingly and compassionately be honest with family, friends and even acquaintances about the sobering reality of sin… and what a life of embracing sin will incur.

Realities like:
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”- 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification:that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.”- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.”- Ephesians 5:3-6

Now, it is very true that legitimate Christians lapse in their striving after holiness and fall into sin, and even sometimes seasons of sin, such as these listed in 1 Corinthians chapter 6 above: sexual immoarlity, idolatry, adultery, homosexual acts, theivery, greed, drunkenness, reviling and swindling. But the difference between a Christian (who is forgiven for these sins) and an unbeliever (who is not forgiven for these sins) is that one experiences real emotional pain and remorse over their sin (because the Spirit of God indwells them)…… while the other embraces and even celebrates their sin (because the Spirit of God does not indwell them and they are ruled by their natural, sinful nature).

People who experience same sex attractions, like myself, obviously did not choose to experience the attractions. But who on the face of the entire earth, throughout all time, has chosen to feel any sinful feeling or temptation to sin? No one. We don’t choose our sinful inclinations. We are sinful by nature. Meaning that the core of who we are is corrupt, broken and in need of change—–the message that those at Exodus seem to be dumbing down or even outright rejecting when the rubber meets the road. Though we are all made in the image of God, which is a beautiful and glorious thing (which those at Exodus stress), we can’t forget that that image is broken—severely. God didn’t become a man and die to save us because we were just a little flawed. Without the redemption offered in Christ and the accompanying regeneration of the Holy Spirit, we are filthy, evil, rebellious and deserving of an eternity of God’s wrath. Cutting this truth out of the gospel makes the message we are speaking no gospel at all. The good news of salvation and eternal life in Jesus doesn’t seem so good if we think that we are  already pretty good. No matter how much it hurts or how much emotional pain it causes us, we must believe and embrace the biblical truth of the extent of our sinfulness if we are ever to truly see our great need for forgiveness in Christ.

I totally agree with Alan’s statement that the church, at times, has failed to approach people who identify as gay with compassion—but rather with name calling and rejection and haughty attitudes. But the solution to the problem is not taking the other extreme of truth concealment/reduction/rejection. If you sacrifice truth for the sake of “grace”, your idea of grace is unbiblical. Grace and Truth hold hands, they don’t bump fists. The person who identifies as gay must be told that the very centrality of their being is broken by sin, and that their attraction for the same sex is unnatural, and that if they choose to embrace and act out on those attractions (which is a simulatenous rejection of Christ)… they will go to hell. They must be told this…. in an attitude love and compassion, with tears flowing and heart aching….they must be told this. And we must point them to the forgivness and new life (i.e. change, transformation) offered through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

What I’m truly afraid of— the burden motivating me to write this post— is that the diseased gospel being proclaimed by more and more people with public platforms will result in the false assurance of salvation in thousands upon thousands of hearts. I pray that God would raise up voices, nation wide, that would radically and compassionately defend and proclaim the entire gospel of Jesus Christ.
The gospel can not be communicated with ambiguous language. We must be clear on the entire truth, even the parts of it the unbelieving world violently opposes.

Real Hope for Real Change by Matt Moore

Another blog post from Matt Moore. Link to post here.

The sermon preached at my church this Sunday contained within it a profound statement—a statement communicating a truth about the gospel that has been ringing in my heart for the past four months. The statement was something along the lines of (I’m paraphrasing): The good news we have in Jesus is not only that our sins have been forgiven, but that we have been changed—transformed—by the regeneration of the Holy Spirit. We have not merely gained in Jesus a get-out-of-hell free card—but because of God’s mercy toward us through the Cross, we have been born again. We are no longer sons and daughters of Adam, enslaved by sinful natures and destined for destruction. We are now, through the person and work of Christ, sons and daughters of God; destined for blessing and pleasure in God forever. We are His children not just in a ”status” sense, but the very essence of who and what we are has been changed. Our Father, by His Spirit, has given us new, God-inlcined natures and wills. We have, in the most real sense of the word, been changed.

Now it is obviously true that we do not see the fullness of God’s transformational work in us completed in the here and now (1 John 3:2). We have a new nature… but we also have our old nature. (Dual-natured? Not sure if that’s an accurate theological term, but let’s go with it). We still live in broken bodies and experience the realities of sinful temptation, sickness and physical death (side note: the “prosperity gospel” is a bunch of bogus that completely denies the reality we live in). The full transformation that Jesus purchased for us won’t be actualized in totality until He returns to execute judgement and restore the world. At that time we will be completely changed (1 Corinthians 15:52)–eradicated of the brokenness of sin once and for all and clothed with immortality. So the fullness of the promises of the gospel lie ahead of us in the permanent, new world to come. But… to deny that great progression in godliness is not probable—or even possible—in this life is absurdity in light of what we see in the Bible. We aren’t told to just accept our low levels of godliness and Christ-likeness as an unavoidable reality due to our dwelling in the weakness of sinful flesh. Rather, we are very blatantly urged by the Scriptures to pursue transformation/sanctification.
“…pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.”- 1 Timothy 6:11
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..”- Romans 12:2
“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”- 1 Peter 1:14-16
Because of God’s gifting us with His Spirit, we have real hope for real change. Change that goes way beyond becoming attracted to the opposite sex or reorienting your sexuality (which I’m sure everyone thought this blog was going to be about!). We have hope of becoming like Christ. We have real reason to hope for increased victory over evil deeds, real reason to hope for loving others with increased sincerity and godliness, real reason to hope for proclaiming the gospel of Jesus with increased passion and frequency. We have at our very fingertips— well, actually inside of us—a Person of the Trinity. God Himself. The same Spirit that filled Jesus has been given to us for the purpose of putting off the flesh, growing in godliness, and making known the gospel to all peoples.  Although we still walk in this fallen, mortal body (dual natured-ness), He promises to give us life (Romans 8: 11)—may we really have faith in this promise!

My prayer every day is that God would not leave me where I am. I am so thankful that He has given me His Son, forgiven me of my endless record of sins and and already produced so much change in my life. But I know that He wants to lead me into further depths of Christ-likeness—in all areas of my life. And I believe He wants that for every one who He sent His Son to die for. May we truly believe the gospel, see it as being the ultimate good news that it is, and grab hold of it with all of our hearts. May we seek God to fill us with His Spirit and change us from one degree to the next— and really believe that He will delight in doing that for us.

Gay Christian? by Matt Moore

I've been in a weird mood lately, kind of depressed, restless, and not sure why, since I finally have a job. Anyway, not really in the mood to blog, but wanted to pass on a few good blog posts by Matt Moore. He had quit blogging, but has blogged a few times since the closing down of Exodus - he blogged about that, and a few times since. This one is on the issue of people being acting gay and claiming to be Christian. As usual, he says it far better than I could. Link to post here.



I want to say right off the bat that I am not sitting here writing this blog as a seminary educated theologian, minister, or “ex-gay” spokes person. I am writing this blog as a real person…. a person with fluctuating emotions, good and bad experiences, pains, joys, longings, satisfactions…. a person who has lived on both sides of this issue. I’ve walked in the shoes of the one who is angry at Christians, fearful of the Church, and not understanding of why they say God hates homosexuality—and now I walk in the shoes of the very person I used to hate (Christians)— the person who loves Jesus, turns from sin, and desires for others to do the same. So many well-meaning Christians feel inadequate, or just plain unable, to talk to gay people about Jesus… they can’t begin to understand what their gay family and friends experience, nor do they know how to apply the gospel to that person’s experience. But I am in a unique situation…a situation where I understand the experience of the gay person, but also understand the gospel and what Jesus can do in the life of the gay person (no… I’m not talking about sexual re-orientation!). So one of the main reasons I do this blog is to communicate the gospel of Jesus to the gay community on behalf of the multitudes that want to, but just don’t know how.

Probably one of the biggest questions in current western culture when it comes to the subject of Christianity is: “Can a gay person be a Christian?” For example, I shared the gospel with a coworker a few months back and her initial response (not even knowing my past/testimony) was, “Well what about gay people? Christianity says that’s wrong and I don’t believe it’s wrong.”
Can a gay person be a Christian? Well, it first depends on what you mean when saying the word gay. Language can be so complex and allows room for all sorts of misconceptions, so I want to clearly identify what we’re talking about when we say the word gay. The most common use of the word describes someone who not only experiences romantic attraction toward the same gender, but embraces this attraction toward the same gender as something good and natural, and consequently acts out on their attractions. Since this is the most common use of the word, this is the definition of “gay” that I’m going to go with in this blog. At the risk of being repetitious, let me say it again: When I say “gay”, I do not mean someone who just experiences romantic attraction toward the same sex—I mean someone who embraces those attractions as a good part of who they are and acts out on those attractions.

What I will say first about the self-identified Gay Christian is that at the very least they are professing a genuine intellectual belief in the true God. The God who made us all, knows us all, and communicates the reality of His existence to us all. He is the One True God who took on flesh and stepped into our fractured world to make peace by the blood of His Cross. He is the God who died for sinners, welcomes sinners, and transforms sinners. His grace is overflowing. His mercy is incomprehensible. But….in all these wonderful things about God, it’s easy for us to think that His saving love knows no boundaries. If we go back to the Bible, we will see that God’s saving love does have boundaries… or a better word: conditions. And those conditions can be summed up in two things: repentance, and faith in Jesus Christ. In the Bible, legitimate faith is identified by a life of repentance…. i.e., believing God, putting sin to death, and walking in step with the Spirit (walking as Jesus walked). Sinful men are saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8), and that faith produces a life of repentance (James 2:20). True faith holds the hand of repentance… always.

So the Bible is crystal clear that a person who has faith in Jesus is a person who also turns from sin. The Bible is crystal clear as well that homosexual behavior falls into the category of sin. So what does this mean for the person who says they have faith in Jesus but does not turn from what His Word defines as sin?

I think I know what Jesus would say.
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?”- Luke 6:46
“You will recognize them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.”- Matthew 7:20-21
“Unless you repent, you will perish.”- Luke 13:5

Sobering words from our Lord. Before I go any further I want to be blatantly clear with the gay person/gay Christian reading these words… I do love you. Not in a fake, ooshy-gooshy kind of way. I mean, I don’t know you…. so I don’t love you like I love my mom or my sister or my brothers and sisters in Christ in my local church. But when I say I love you, I mean that I genuinely care for you and your soul and your struggles that not many people out there understand. Everything I say from this point forward is from a loving desire to see your heart opened to the truths (hard truths) about God, yourself, and your need for redemption and transformation.

If you are currently a self-identified “Gay Christian”, I plead with you to feel the danger and urgency of the situation you’re in. The Bible warns that God’s will is for us to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3) and that those who refuse to abstain will not inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Cortinthians 6:9) because they have not done the will of the Father (Matthew 7:21). If the person I just described would be you, then I need to tell you that you are currently under the wrath of God because of your unbelief (John 3:36)… and if you continue on this path, you will experience the torment of His wrath forever (Revelation 14:11). If you do not repent and stop pursuing the sinful desires of your heart, God will be just in condemning you—not because you’re attracted to the same sex, but because you have exalted yourself, your sexuality, your reasoning, and many other things above the God who made you and cares for you.

And please, do not bank the fate of your soul on the fact that you feel like you’re good with God and you feel He blesses your committed relationship with someone of the same sex. The fallen, sinful human heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9)and can not be trusted.  If you are delighting in what God has revealed to be sin, please do not rejoice… but fear. One of the most despairing things God can do is to give us over to our sin… to allow us to revel in it, enjoy it, and experience no guilt, remorse or shame. This path of embracing, celebrating and loving sin is the wide, easy path that has a sure end of destruction (Matthew 7:13).

Do not harden your heart any longer toward the Lord…. humble yourself. Turn from your sin and toward Jesus. Become a recipient of His saving grace. He will transform you. And I don’t mean that He will transform you into into a person who is attracted to the opposite sex—that is not the promise of the Gospel. The promise of the Gospel is that you would know God the Father and Jesus Christ and enjoy Him forever. I mean I do know men and women who have developed attraction for the opposite sex, but there are many–like myself–who haven’t had that happen. I don’t doubt God’s power or ability to change that in me, and I have tried “stepping out in faith” …just this week I went on a lunch date with a beautiful girl who truly loves Jesus—and there was nothing. No physical attraction…. no hint of romantic attraction…nothing. But you know what? I have more joy and peace in my life right now than I have ever had. Why? Because I am walking in an increased obedience to Christ. I am putting sin to death, seeking the Lord in prayer and His Word, and He is letting Himself be found by me (2 Chronicles 15:2). Jesus has transformed me—not into a so-called “straight” man, but into a man who’s very life, meaning and joy springs from knowing and walking with God. My hope is not in a temporal change in my sexuality, but in an eternal promise that Jesus has saved me and will lead me into a life of indescribable pleasure forever. <—-This is the hope of the gospel. 

What the Lord has done for me (and countless others) He will gladly do for you. It’s not too late and you’re not too far gone….Jesus took upon Himself the wrath of God for sinners—sexually broken, stubborn and prideful sinners, just like you and me. All of your sin, including all the years of justifying your sin and refusing to repent, can be nailed to the Cross and forgotten by God forever—if you will just repent and trust in the good Savior. He will then not only clothe you with the righteousness of Jesus and declare you righteous in a legal sense, but He will also treat you as if you were righteous. He will treat you as if you had obeyed as Jesus did. Enter into a real, solid relationship with the Father through Jesus. All of heaven will rejoice if you do. Please don’t harden your heart, but believe.

“The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty..”- Exodus 34:6-7.