My relationship with God has been a bit rocky lately. Partly in fact to my depression acting up, as it always does when colder weather starts setting in, but thankfully it isn't as bad as it has been before.
I have also been up and down a bit with porn. I am on what I call the cycle right now. I buy my "props", for lack of a better word, indulge in porn for a day or two, feel guilty and throw everything out. repent, and go without for a week. I keep trying to remind myself of how I feel after I binge, so hopefully I can end the cycle for good. I even put a filter on my pc, but found a way around it. I have it on some of my devices, but not my main pc.
I can't remember when I last hooked up, but I think it has been at least a year. Time has been going by so fast, and I can't pinpoint exactly when it was, but I am pretty sure it has been at least a year. Summer was rough with temptations of lust, but there wasn't much temptation to hook up with anyone. As I mentioned before, my main temptation has been to go to bathhouses, and the times I can do that are rare because of my living arrangements. The last time I could have gone, I got violently sick, which may or may not have been God...... but I am leaning towards the idea that it was.
I would like to do more on this blog, but am not sure what to blog about. It is sad that I tend to blog more when I am struggling most, but I would like to post encouraging things once in a while in case anyone happens on my blog who also struggles with SSA.
For now, I will just do this update for anyone who does read my blog.
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