I was looking over past blog posts and noticed a trend. There are many blog posts that are negative and were written when I was struggling badly with sexual issues and believing God's love. Now that things are going well, I am not as apt to post on here. There is also the added factor that I "outted" myself on the blog where I am not anonymous, though I will never be as open there as I am here.
But I don't want this blog to just have posts of when I was discouraged and struggling.... thus this blog post.
Things have been going pretty well lately. Depression was holding me back a lot for a while, but things are better in that area, thankfully. The temptations to hook up are still rare and not much of a temptation. Porn and lust are still a temptation, but they don't have the strong hold on me that they used to have.
Just yesterday I saw a shirtless young guy mowing, and another walking down the street..... and I looked, but did I lust? I was tempted to circle back and get another look, but did not.
My relationship with God is getting back on track after a few months of feeling disconnected - the depression. I have always been one to go by feelings and emotions too much, and depression messes that up a lot.
I still can't see marriage ever happening for me, and that is OK. I have gotten used to being single, and I like solitude. Sure, I get lonely some, but marriage is no assurance that a person will never be lonely.
There are some other positive things going on in my life right now, and God willing a new chapter will be starting in my life that I believe will be good for me and help me in a lot of ways. More on that later..
I still believe my big breakthrough came as a result of finally believing God loves me, an assurance that is still with me. I am very thankful for how far God has brought me, and have hope for the future that I didn't have for so long.
I have been neglecting this blog, but will try to do better in the coming days. God bless
1 comment:
It's lovely to see you're growing! And happy!
Don't discard marriage altogether. In my experience, as well as in Bob Regan's, we can get married and function sexually, is spite of SSAs, though differently - not so much by sight but by touch and by snuggling. And in my experience, too, SSAs diminish with time. You have certainly experienced that. Nevertheless, being in peace is even more important. If you ever do get married, it will be by God's guidance, in God's time, and with his blessing and his peace.
Alexei
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