I have also become more open about it on my other blog that is not anonymous. I haven't come out and stated that I struggle with SSA, but one would have to be unintelligent to not figure it out as I have done everything but say so. I have had people figure out by what I have said in blog posts and on Facebook, and it is refreshing when they don't condemn or run in fear.
It has been a long time since I have blogged on here, and since I have gotten a few comments through the contact form, decided to try to do it more often. I figured an update would be a good post.
Life is still a bit upside down. My relationship with God isn't what it should be at this point, but I am heading in the right direction. The temptation to hook up with guys for sex is just about nonexistent. I in fact had a guy contact me through Facebook today who I used to hook up with, and I had no trouble giving him the brush-off. That is a miracle, for I used to troll personals and chat rooms daily trying to hook up, and to not have that desire..... that is big.
Lust is still a big issue. I love warm weather, but it does make it harder to not lust and outright drool at shirtless guys and even those in shorts and muscle shirts. Maybe I will get there some day. My biggest struggle right now isn't even on the same-sex attraction front, but is trusting God.
Last month, I attended the Hope for Wholeness Conference for the second year in a row. I enjoyed this year's even more than the one last year. I knew what to expect this year since I had already been to one, and I knew a lot of people from last year. The theme was Masterpieces in Process, and they had a lot of great speakers. I left very encouraged and helped, and wishing I could live in that environment.
For people who have never been to that kind of conference, they might not know what to expect. Not every workshop or general session is about homosexuality, but some are very general. My favorite workshop was on our identity in Christ, which would fit anyone.
The legalization of gay marriage has been a blow. I worry about our freedoms and how long organizations like Hope for Wholeness will be allowed to operate as the push increases to shut up and shut down anyone who doesn't fully support gay marriage and the gay agenda. And I have experienced a sense of longing and jealousy that I can't have that for myself, but I am more convinced than ever that it is God or homosexuality, not both, and am determined to go with God and not my sexual desires.
Hopefully I can blog here occasionally. I am not going to set any amount of posts so I won't feel guilty if I don't hit that amount. I may also go back and re-post some of the ones that were the most popular when I posted them.
If you read this blog, thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. If you also struggle with SSA, I hope that something I have posted or shared helps and encourages you in some way.
1 comment:
Hi there. I had the chance to pop back onto your blog and found your July update and I have to say I was very encouraged for you. Praise God for being ever faith.
I'd like to offer you some encouragement and maybe a little direction to help you on your journey into Christian maturity. The blogging that you do is a type of journaling or dairy which is good because it helps us/you to see where we are in relation to God's word. Take this idea a step further. On a sheet of paper write down each of your God given roles. For example you were born male so write that down also write down manhood because God has defined both man and how he operates in manhood. Continue on with things like son friend, if you are a brother to someone, maybe employee just write that all down. Next set about the task of finding what God may say about each of the roles through his word then compare what you find with how you have believed. The results should provide an accurate picture of of God's design and how far apart your beliefs have been but it should also cause you to raise your efforts to replace the old mindset with the new all achieved through God's word. Remember be transformed not conformed.
May God continued to bless you.
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