This book doesn't have much to do with the gay struggle, but I am still recommending it: Gods At War by Kyle Idleman. Sex can be, and is an idol, but overall this is a great book anyone should read, whether you're struggling with homosexuality or not
Book description:
In gods at war, Kyle Idleman, bestselling author of not a fan, helps every
believer recognize there are false gods at war within each of us, and they
battle for the place of glory and control in our lives. What keeps us from truly
following Jesus is that our hearts are pursuing something or someone else. While
these pursuits may not be the 'graven images' of old, they are in fact modern
day idols. Behind the sin you're struggling with, the discouragement you're
dealing with, the lack of purpose you're living with is a false god that is
winning the war for your heart. According to Idleman, idolatry isn't an
issue---it is the issue. By asking insightful questions, Idleman reveals which
false gods each of us are allowing on the throne of our lives. What do you
sacrifice for? What makes you mad? What do you worry about? Whose applause do
you long for? We're all wired for worship, but we often end up valuing and
honoring the idols of money, sex, food, romance, success and many others that
keep us from the intimate relationship with God that we desire. Using true,
powerful and honest testimonies of those who have struggled in each area, gods
at war illustrates a clear path away from the heartache of our 21st century
idolatry back to the heart of God -- enabling us to truly be completely
committed followers of Jesus.
Another great post from Matt Moore. Link to original post here.
Earlier this week, my pastor and I met with a local guy in his 20’s who just turned away from homosexual behavior in pursuit of God. When chatting with him for a couple of hours, the thing I felt that I couldn’t emphasize enough is that the focus of the Christian life for the “gay” man is not about not acting out on homosexual feelings. It’s not about turning from the “gay lifestyle.”
A message I feel the Lord has been laying on my heart lately is that He is not to be used as a means to an end…. even if that end is a “good” thing. We don’t follow Jesus to become straight, or to get married, or to be content in celibacy. And we don’t follow Jesus with the intent of becoming free of the power of fallen sexual inclinations. I think that’s all a backwards (and joy-robbed) way of looking at the gospel. I think a more correct way to view the gospel is that we follow Jesus because He is Lord and He is worthy, and He sets us free from the power of sinful inclinations (including sinful sexual inclinations) so that we could and would garner all of our affections, passions, and energies and focus them in on Him in worship.
Turning from homosexual behavior is (a small part of) the means and God is the End, not the other way around. He enables us to turn from sin not so that we would just turn from sin, but so that we would turn from sin and turn to Him. I don’t believe (based on the Scriptures) that turning from sin just for the sake of delighting in a holy accomplishment is at all pleasing to God.
If you’re attracted to the same sex but you’ve chosen to follow Jesus in repentance and faith, don’t get all wrapped up in having “turned away from the gay lifestyle” or in having “left homosexuality” or in having “become an ex-gay” (I’m speaking as someone who made these mistakes). Jesus has reconciled you to God through His Cross not so you could be an ex-gay or whatever you choose to call it; He’s done it to make you a son of God. That is ultimately who and what you are. Because of His gracious work in your heart, you have taken up a life of putting your natural, sinful self to death—day by day— to walk in the benefits of the sonship that Jesus has purchased for you (like intimacy with God) and the purposes God has for you in this life (like proclaiming the gospel and making disciples).
Please don’t infer from my words that I’m dumbing down the importance and necessity of repentance, that definitely is not my goal. What I’m trying to do is to put repentance in it’s rightful place: as the means, not the end. We should turn from our sin with all our (grace-wrought) might—but not for the purpose of basing our identity and the focus of our lives on our disassociation from a particular sinful behavior. We should turn from our sin because of a deep love and thankfulness for Jesus, and to enjoy intimacy and fellowship with God through Him.
The Christian life of the gay man, just like the Christian life of the straight man, should have one main focus and one definite end: Jesus.
There is a wide variety of characters in the Bible. Some were great, some were not. Some good, some bad..... I think the reason a lot of them are included is to give us hope. Not all of us are like Enoch or Elisha. Some of us are like David, who messed up a lot, yet was a man after God's own heart.
Lately, I have been identifying with a couple of women in the Bible. Neither is named, yet hold a prominent place in Scripture: The woman at the well, and Lot's wife.
From the short narrative in John, we get the idea that the woman at the well wasn't a good woman. She had had 5 husbands and was living with a guy she wasn't married to. She sounds like she wasn't a good moral person. Very likely, she had been with other men besides the six mentioned by Jesus. To top it off, she was a Samaritan. They were like the scum of the earth to Jews, yet here is Jesus, a Jew, talking to a Samaritan woman, and an immoral one at that. Yet Jesus talked to her, and it seems He deliberately went through Samaria to seek her out. Amazing.
I've got a long list of sexual conquests. Mine is most likely longer than hers, but if He'd forgive her immorality, why not mine? He doesn't have a limit on sins He will forgive, yet the devil has had me convinced for years that I had sinned too many times, that my sin was too bad to be completely forgiven.... but that isn't true. And He offers that same living water to me, yet I keep going back to the wells that don't satisfy. Is it because I have never plunged in completely? If He could rescue the woman at the well, He can rescue me.
Lot's wife.... they were told to not look back while fleeing Sodom, and was instantly turned to a pillar of salt. Jesus used her as a warning in the New Testament: "remember Lot's wife." Meaning what, exactly? It could be a warning about her being too attached to worldly possessions....
I was watching the Bible miniseries on DVD last night and watched the part about Sodom being destroyed, and something hit me, for the first time that I know of. I have lost track of how many times I have repented and quit the porn and sex, only to fall back. I think there is more than one reason, and I think the biggest one that overshadows all, is the fact that I have never had the right view of God, His love, nor did I love Him....... but this new thought hit me.... I also look back. I think about the pleasure that I gave up. I find myself thinking about all the gay guys that are out there engaging in pleasure, and there I am, alone and no pleasure.... I've done just like Lot's wife, and looked back...... and then I go back. If God did to me like Lot's wife, I'd have become a pillar of salt years ago, yet He has not cut me off....... thank God He hasn't. May God help me to truly find Him, and when I do, not look back for anything.
A friend of mine sent me message today that Moody was going to have a discussion about homosexuality on their Mid-day Connection program. It was going to be airing at a time I could listen, so I pulled it up on line and listened. And I liked what I heard. The show was hosted by two women, and they had two male guests on the show: Christopher Yuan, a man who lived the gay lifestyle for several years and spent time in prison and authored a book, Out of a Far Country, and a pastor - Bobby Ross (I think that was his name), a man who has not struggled with same-sex attractions, but had input on the issue.
The broadcast was not aimed at people who struggle with same-sex attractions, but aimed at Christians who come in contact with gay people.
The pastor, Bobby, told an interesting story. Back before he and his wife had kids, they decided to take a trip to New York City. A friend of his told him that his brother lived there and would be happy to help them find their way around and would most likely even map out an itinerary for them. His friend told him however, his brother was gay, and had a lover. The pastor and his wife decided to take the guy up on it.
They were met in New York City by the gay couple who was thrilled to show them around New York City. They both took off a day of work to help show the pastor and his wife around.
As the pastor and his wife had to leave on a 6:30 flight, the gay couple offered to let them stay with them their last night and take them to the airport. They cooked a great meal, and their friend's brother got up at 2:30 am to take them to the airport.
The gay guy later told his mother that if all Christians were like this pastor and his wife, that he would be more interested in coming back to church.
The rest of the broadcast was along the same line. Talking about how Christians need to love gay people, not accept their sin and say it is OK, but love them and befriend them.
Why do we make homosexuality such a terrible sin and seek to shun those who are gay? The same Bible condemns sex outside of marriage, but the same people who would shun gay people, have no problem with a man, woman, or heterosexual couple coming to their church who are living unmarried and engaging in sex outside of marriage.
The same people have no problem with the drunk or drug addict coming to church. Even the ex-con. But keep the gays out. Why is that?
Yes, the Bible condemns sex between two people of the same gender, but does that mean God doesn't love them? That Christians shouldn't love them? Christians can stand against gay marriage and say what gay people are doing sexually is wrong, but what chance does the average gay person have if Christians shun them and treat them terribly and with disdain? Christians are to be God's arms reaching out to the lost, and that lost includes the homosexual.
Only God knows how many boys, girls, men, and women are sitting in our church pews, silently struggling with same-sex attractions, and scared to death to talk to anyone about it, because of the way the church has treated it. No, the church should not say the sin is OK, but they need to change their attitude. They need to start reaching out to the gay people, and loving them.
Some Christians may fear it is contagious, that if they are around a gay person, that they will "catch it." A ludicrous idea, but I think some Christians have that idea. Another misconception many have, is that if a gay person is around their kids, they will molest them at the first chance. Oh, you're gay, so you like little boys. Oh, you're a heterosexual male, so you like little girls! If someone is reading this and does equate homosexuality with pedophilia, let me be blunt: I am gay, and am attracted to men. Fully developed, adult men. Not young boys. Men. And statistics show that more heterosexuals than homosexuals are child molesters.
There is a book every Christian should read. Loving Homosexuals As Jesus Would by Chad Thompson. Check out his website. Great book. Helpful for those who are struggling with same-sex attractions too. I think it was Chad who would go to gay pride parades and hand out bottled water to those participating in the parade. He either had a stand, or some way of letting them know he was a Christian. He gave no sermon, no message, just bottled water from a Christian.
Many Christians would recoil at that. Doing something nice for "those kind of people?! No way!"
It has been said that we are never more like Jesus, than when we love. And loving those easy to love and who we agree with, isn't cutting it. It is loving those who we don't agree with, the unlovable, those engaged in sins that we find disgusting.......
I've wondered what kind of reception I'd get at my own church if I came out, said I was gay, and lived that lifestyle. Several know of my struggles, and though most people who know at my church never talk about it with me, neither do they shun me or avoid me. I think if I did do that, some would treat me the same, and some would avoid me and shun me. I'd like to think that the second group would be small, but who knows.
I think there are some similarities between gay people and lepers in Jesus' time. The lepers were shunned and avoided. No one wanted to be around them. If a family member got it, their family kicked them out and avoided them. Sound familiar? That is what the church does with gay people. And there are many cases where parents - and they aren't always Christian parents - kick a son or daughter out of their house and lives when they find out they are gay. How sad. Is it any wonder so many suffer and struggle in silence?
In the Bible, there were cities of refuge. I won't go into a lot of detail, but they were cities where perpetrators of manslaughter could go for asylum. This may be a weird jump to make, but imagine if we were that as Christians. That we would be so known by our loving - even, and especially the homosexual, that they would feel free and without fear to come to us and confide their struggle.
The church has done, and is doing a lot of good. It also has done wrong and still does. And this is just one area, how it treats the homosexual. If we could get it right, if we could love and be a friend to all, even the homosexual, I can't help but think God would be pleased, and we would be much more like Jesus.
I recently shared an excellent article written by someone else about what to do if your child tells you that they are gay. It brought back to my mind how my parents reacted. It has been around 16 years ago, but I'll never forget. In many ways, that was the day a wall went up between my parents and I that may never come down.
I had been talking to my pastor about my struggles some, though it was over his head, and he wasn't as involved in helping as my current pastor has been. He had asked me at one point if I thought my parents had any suspicions that I struggled in that area, and I had said no. He wanted to talk to me one evening before the Sunday pm service and asked me again. Again, I said "no". To my shock and horror, he informed me that they had found out. Probably all that kept it from being a total disaster, was my parents had gone to my pastor and his wife instead of approaching me directly. He then called them into his study. I try to block it all out, but I do remember my mom asking me who I'd told and demanding that I never tell anyone else. They all prayed, and the next service we were in that had an altar call, my mom literally dragged me to the altar. I was furious and made no effort at all to pray. I got up from the altar determined to be more careful and cover my tracks more.
The aftermath wasn't pleasant. My mom asked if I'd had sex with any guys, and insisted I get tested for HIV. I couldn't go anywhere without having to tell where I went and why. I would get regular lectures and demands put on me about what I would and would not do. I was 28, but they treated me like I was 10. The more they lectured and the more restrictive they got, the angrier I got.
To this day, I get almost a sense of satisfaction from hooking up for sex with guys without them knowing. It sounds horrible to admit it, but it is true. I became a master of deception when it came to my secret lifestyle. In fact, the amount of guys I have been with is much, much higher since they found out, then before they found out. At that point, I may have been with around 20 guys at the most. Now, I have no idea, but would guess at least 300..... so their rigidity, demands, and efforts to track my every move did nothing than make me bitter and create high walls between them and I. I was convinced they cared more about people finding out, then actually caring about me and what caused my struggles. Sixteen years hasn't changed that belief, but cemented the fact that they will only love their idea of me, not the real me.
My family is strange. We are close in some ways. We have fun together and get along great, no fighting among siblings, and stuff that goes on in some families, but I never felt I could talk to my parents about anything. I do remember my dad saying if I had told him about my struggles, he would have done all he could to stop me..... well, I would never have been able to tell them. And I have never been able to talk about it even since they found out. Once the lectures faded away, the topic was thrown in a closet and locked, never to see the light of day again.
I wish I could talk to my parents about it, but it isn't going to happen. I'd like to tell them the more they hold on, the harder it is for me to feel like a man and break free from these struggles. I'd like to tell them how well I did while living 400 miles away with my best friend, something they fought and made me feel so guilty, I moved back.
My mom would be horrified if she knew how many people knew about my struggles. I'm not even sure how many people know. I've become much freer in telling people, plus there are people who know that I don't know of.....just recently found out a friend from church knew before he even met me, and he doesn't remember how he found out......which is kind of scary, but then I'm at the point I don't really care who knows.
Had I grown up feeling more loved and accepted by my parents, I may have felt more free to talk to them about this stuff, but I didn't. As my youngest sister told me recently, she always felt she had to act in a certain way, achieve a certain level in everything she did to make them accept and love her... so it wasn't just me. Of course, had I felt more loved and accepted, maybe the same sex attraction wouldn't have been an issue, or as much of an issue.
There are people who have had it worse than I did. Teenagers kicked out of their home when their parents found out they were gay, or beaten by their fathers for being gay. Parents will never get it right in handling the issue, until the church gets it right. The answer is not total acceptance of homosexuality and letting people think its OK with God. The answer is to still call sin a sin, but to show more love toward the sinner and not shun them or make them feel they are subhuman and beyond God's grace because they are gay.
If God blesses Dan and me with a child who is gay, I would want that child to know without a doubt that he or she is loved unconditionally. I would want her to know nothing could separate her from the love of God in Christ. I would want her to know that she isn’t broken, she isn’t an embarrassment, she isn’t a disappointment. May I be part of creating a world in which I will not have to protect her from the bullies.
I believe Rachel’s motivation is to create a more welcoming and loving environment in the church for those who identify themselves as homosexuals, or who struggle with homosexual desire. I admire and agree with her motive, and must say that I’ve learned from her in this area of being much more careful in how I speak and write about homosexuality.
However, I would challenge Rachel in two areas.
First, she doesn’t communicate any concern about the sinfulness of homosexual desires nor the immorality of homosexual actions. She seems to convey that homosexual desires are not part of human brokenness, and that to pursue homosexual practices does not have any bearing on a person’s relationship with Christ. No matter what they do, they remain Christ’s “little ones.” There is no indication that she sees anything wrong or unbiblical about homosexuality.
Second, Rachel seems to identify everyone who takes the view that homosexual desires are part of broken human sinfulness, and that homosexual actions are sin, as bullies. Are there bullies who hold these views? Yes, sadly, of course there are. However, it’s irresponsible and unfair to group all who say that homosexuality is immoral as bullies of Christ’s little ones. In doing so, Rachel is, unwittingly I’m sure, aiding and abetting the militant LGBT movement who want to demonize and silence all opposition to their agenda.
I’d like to offer an alternative response to Rachel. It’s not perfect either, I’m sure. Like many Christians I’m still learning how to respond to the social and cultural revolution of the past ten years or so. However, I think it is more biblical than Rachel’s, without being bullying.
First of all, I’d say to any parent in this situation, to be thankful that your son (or daughter) told you; that he felt your relationship was strong enough and safe enough for this major disclosure. Tell him that you understand how this is one of the hardest things for a young person ever to admit to; that you realize it has probably been preceded by months, maybe years, of struggle, pain, and fear.
Second, assure him of your unchanged love in both word and deed. Put your arms around him, hug him tightly. Tell him that you will continue to seek his very best, as you have always done. Promise him that you will not disown him, reject him, throw him out, or cut him off. Rather you will continue to involve him in family activities and that you’ll do everything in your power to ensure the rest of the family respond in the same way.
Third, STOP. Ask him for time to think and pray about what he’s told you, even just for a day. It would be a grave mistake to start trying to ask “why?” or “how?” It would be an even greater mistake at this early stage to launch into sermon mode or to starting quoting bible verses. You need time to process this and he needs time to recover from the trauma of telling you. Ask him if it’s okay to just press “pause” for a day as you think it through.
Fourth, when you do start speaking on a deeper level, begin by sharing with him how you also are broken in your own sexuality. Emphasize that you have had your own struggles with sex and many failings, but that you also take your sexual brokenness to a forgiving God who cleanses from sin, sometimes take away the temptation, and other times gives the grace to resist the urgings (1 Cor. 10:13).
Fifth, begin to ask some questions. Tell him that you’re asking them to help you both to understand this better. Some questions might be:
What do you mean by “I think I’m gay”?
What thoughts, feelings, and actions make you say that?
How long has this been going on for? Is it possible it’s just temporary confusion about sexuality that some teenagers go through?
What is your own view of it? Do you think it’s wrong and are you seeking help to change and be delivered? Or do you think it’s right? Are you therefore planning to pursue homosexual relationships? Or are you in one already?
Sixth, if your son agrees that homosexuality is sinful, and he wants to have victory over these temptations, then there are many Gospel promises you can encourage him with. Having our sins forgiven and our consciences cleansed of guilt is THE most powerful force in the world for battling temptation. Without it, there can be no lasting victory.
However, if he says that he believes homosexuality to be okay and he’s decided to pursue it, then while assuring him of your continued love and care, you must lovingly warn him of the spiritual and physical dangers of homosexuality. Perhaps ask him if he’d be willing to discuss certain Bible passages with you.
Seventh, I’d encourage the son not to see himself as a homosexual, not to define himself by his sexuality. Rather I’d want him to see himself as creature made in God’s image, a man with many parts to his identity, a person with many gifts, a son with a diverse character and personality, one part of which, at least for the moment, is to have a homosexual desires.
Eighth, I would ask him to keep coming to church, especially as homosexuality is sometimes the result of worshipping self rather than God (Romans 1:24-25). But I would ask his permission to let the pastor know about his situation because I’d want to urge the pastor to greater sensitivity towards those struggling with homosexuality.
Like Rachel, I too have winced and cringed as preachers have condemned homosexuality as if it is an unforgiveable abomination that only weird and wicked people outside of church struggled with. Is it somehow inconceivable that there are some in our churches who have struggled with homosexual desire and have fallen into sin in this area? What hope do we offer them? If our message is only guilt, without a hint of grace, then yes, we may well be causing little ones to stumble into depression, despair, and even suicide.
Where I do disagree with Rachel, is her refusal to accept that hell and judgment are any part of the Christian message about sin, including homosexual sin. As Jesus makes clear, we also risk making little ones stumble if we tell them that they don’t need to cut sin out of their lives (Mark 8: 24-28; Matt. 5:19). God often uses the Bible’s message about sin, death, and hell to draw sinners to His love. Read, for example, Jackie Hill’s Love Letter to a Lesbian, about how God did just that when she was living a lesbian lifestyle.
I looked at my life, and saw that I had been in love with everything except God, and these decisions would ultimately be the death of me, eternally. My eyes were opened, and I began to believe everything God says in his word. I began to believe that what he says about sin, death, and hell was completely true.
And amazingly, at the same time that the penalty of my sin became true to me, so did the preciousness of the cross. A vision of God’s Son crucified, bearing the wrath I deserved, and an empty tomb displaying his power over death — all things I had heard before without any interest had become the most glorious revelation of love imaginable.
Yes, the Gospel welcomes sinners, heterosexual and homosexual sinners, but, thanks be to God, it does not leave us there (1 Cor. 6:9-11).
In an effort to be more positive, I have re-posted some of my blog posts before. I did this one back in August of 2012. I don't feel I am that great of a writer, but I did like this one after reading over it:
I recently was priveledged to see a great production of the Bible story of Jonah. It was both entertaining and moving. They brought out the Gospel in it like I never got from reading the Biblical narrative of the story. It was powerful.
The best scene was after Jonah gave his message to the people of Ninevah. They repented, stripped off their outer armor and royal robes and sang the following song. I found the song on Youtube and will put the video also:
I’m Free By Don Harper I was shackled in the chains of my own making Drowning in a sea of all my woe Somehow I knew a reckoning was coming Bitter tears would only sting this ravaged soul Then the God of earth and Heaven He showed Himself among us And falling to my knees, I finally prayed “Jehovah God on high If I live or if I die Take this burden of my sin away” And now I am free I’m finally free With a mercy amazing A miracle’s been given me ‘Cause now I’m free By the hand of my Savior My debt has been redeemed And far as the east is from the west This God alone is the difference in me For now I’m free I am free, oh yes I am free I am free, thank God I am free! In the mercy and grace that You give each morning We will sing Your praise Every voice we will raise To the end of our days We will bless Your name And now I’m free I am finally free With a mercy amazing A miracle’s been given me ‘Cause now I’m free By the hand of the Savior My debt has been redeemed And far as the east is from the west This God alone is the difference in me
For now we’re free Free, we’re free Oh we’re free Now we’re free Yes we’re free Free, we’re free. Oh we’re free Now we’re free Yes, we’re free Free, we’re free Oh, we’re free We’re free!
They sang this song twice. The second time, Jonah led it as the closing song of the production. The song is powerful and I cried both times. It loses some of its power on a CD. It was so much more seeing people in repentance singing it. It really hit me hard.
I had some thoughts I wanted to get down as I watched the show, and will do my best to get them across in my bumbling way:
1) Everyone has a Ninevah.
At some point in any Christian's life, there is going to be something He fears to do, yet knows that he needs to. There is going to be something God wants him to do that he doesn't want to do.
Right there in that theater, my Ninevah came to me. Homosexuality. I know God wants me to walk away from it forever, yet it is so hard to do so. It has woven its chains around my heart, soul, and mind.
And they aren't the only chains I wear. I told someone recently that I am in bondage to my family, especially my parents. They want to keep me close by where they can monitor me, make sure I am living up to their expectations. I have had this strong feeling lately that I need some space between them and I to be what God wants, not what they want. That will be hard, and although I can't claim to be where I need to be with God yet, I am already praying to Him about it. I made the statement to a friend of mine, and it is true: if it came down to knowing God wanted me to do something, and my parents didn't want me to do it....... I'm not sure I could do what God wanted me to do.
Another chain is religion. I was raised in a strict conservative church. A lot of focus is on the outward. Too much. I grew up judging people's Christianity by how they look. Is the outward important? Yes. The Bible does talk about modesty, and I believe it is Biblical that men should look like men and women like women. If you can't tell what gender someone is, how is that pleasing to God........ but should men tell us how to dress? What to do and what not to do? If people really want to please God, they won't need rules from their church. They will let God show them. And if they really love God and want to please Him, they won't try to get as close to the edge of what is right or wrong.
The day may come when I need to change churches, or just get away from the church and seek out what God expects from me. I would face a lot of pressure and be fought on that, but can I run from that? Should I just do what my church says and what my parents expect to keep others happy?
Another Ninevah: I have felt for some time that God wants to use my struggles. That scares me. I don't mind talking about them on a blog where I am anonymous or even talking one on one, but to come out in public.... yikes. I feel like running already.
2) When you are running from something, you are running to something else, and
often that is worse than what you are running from.
This thought isn't original with me. That statement was made in the Jonah production, and it really hit home. And it is true. Not just for Jonah. I thought about this, and it is true for me.
This may sound I like I made it up, but when I heard that statement, it was if God leaned down and told me that I had been running toward homosexuality all these years, and it was worse than what I was running from.
For years, I have been running. Running from loneliness, from negative feelings. Any time I felt those emotions, I'd turn to pornography and anonymous sex to ease the loneliness and emptiness within me.
But the thing is, what I ran to was worse than what I was running from. I cannot describe the feelings I have experienced with so many sexual encounters. Many were with guys whose names I didn't even know. There were times I dabbled in things that I never thought I would, just to fill a void. But the void got worse.
Can a gay guy find a solution to loneliness in homosexuality? Can they find love? Some may for a while. Gay relationships just don't last very long. And I have to wonder about the ones that do. Is it really love, or is it just a really close friendship. From what I have seen, most gay relationships that last a long time have a few things in common:
1) One or both of the couple is cheating on the other.
2) The couple has a 3rd or more in to have fun with
3) Sex is rare and sometimes non-existent
God has never, and will never, ordain a sexual relationship between people of the same gender, and that is why I believe the relationships don't last. I have thought about totally walking away from what I know is right, embrace my gayness and seek a relationship, but it wouldn't last. In the end, I would be worse off than ever, and more broken.
How much better off I would have been if I had run from homosexuality instead of running toward it. I haven't escaped loneliness or emptiness. I feel more lonely than ever and more empty and broken than I was before I took those steps to pursue my desires, instead of God's. What I ran toward is indeed worse than what I ran from. And in running toward my sexual desires, I ran from God and what He wanted for my life.
3) God gives second (and more) chances.
Through Jonah. God said He was going to destroy Ninevah in 40 days. After they repented, God let them live and did not destroy them. And Jonah got a second chance to do what God had commanded him to do. Where would any of us be if God did not give us more than one chance? Most of us would not be alive. And He has given me countless chances.
4) We don't always get what we deserve.
Jonah didn't deserve to get out of the whale. He was a prophet of God who was determined to not do what God wanted him to do, yet God gave him a wake-up call instead of death. And the people of Ninevah deserved to be destroyed. They were wicked, yet God forgave them when they repented and did not destroy the city.
I hate to think of what I deserve. AIDS, death...... yet I am healthy. I've had a few scares, yet I am alive and healthy. After having sexual encounters with 200+ men...... could it be because God has a plan for my life in spite of all my mess ups, all my sin, all my running?
5) God can and will forgive anyone.
The devil is a powerful and smart enemy and strategist. He doesn't just have one weapon, he has countless weapons. One is lies. If he can get us to believe certain lies, most of his battle is won. He has had me convinced that God doesn't care, doesn't love me, that I have sinned to badly and too often to ever be completely forgiven. But that is a lie.
God can and will forgive anyone. He forgave the wicked people of Ninevah. If the Colorado shooter would repent and seek God, God would forgive him. He would still need to face punishment for his crimes, but God would forgive him...... so why not me? Yes, I have sinned and been far from what God wanted, but I am not beyond redemption, I have not done anything God will not forgive. And I need to remind myself of that daily.
6) God can use anyone. After running from what God asked him to do, and being swallowed by a fish, Jonah didn't seem like someone that God could use, but he was. And a whole city repented and found God.
When I look at myself, I can't see anything that God could possibly use. My talents seem few and small. I have failed him more than I haven't. I feel below average. But if I surrender to Him, who knows how He could use me.
The story of Jonah is much more than just a story about a man that ran from God and got swallowed by a big fish. Read it and think about it.
It has really resonated in me. I wanted to run to God and beg His forgiveness. I didn't do that, but it has changed me.
Some may disagree with me, but I am working on changing some things before I take that step. I have been changing some behaviors and thought patterns. I could take that step now, but I would fall at the first temptation or trial.
I am reading my Bible and praying. Those are things I hadn't done in over 2 years. I am asking God to help me believe and to work in my life. I am working on believing that He loves me. I am changing things in my life that are harmful - thoughts, behaviors, actions. I strongly feel I need to learn more about God, and that I need to work on some areas before I attempt to truly serve Him again. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't feel God is rushing me.
I hope I got across the thoughts I have had on my mind since seeing the production of Jonah. It truly was a powerful message.
This book doesn't have much to do with the gay struggle, but I am still recommending it: Gods At War by Kyle Idleman. Sex can be, and is an idol, but overall this is a great book anyone should read, whether you're struggling with homosexuality or not
