May happenings

 

I haven't blogged on here for a couple of weeks, so wanted to get a short one up in case anyone who reads it wonders how I am doing.

  Warmer weather is getting here finally, and with it comes temptation since there is more skin showing, but other than those temptations, things are going pretty well. I have fallen to porn a couple of times, but it was short-lived. I think it is more needing the release than a temptation, if  that makes sense, not that it makes it OK if that is the case.

  I did have something happen a couple of nights ago that threw me off balance and had me upset:
 I got a private message on Facebook from someone who goes to my church. She told me I post too much "gay stuff" and she fears some young person might read something I posted and decide to try it - being gay.

  She is someone who knows about my struggles, so I reminded her I deal with it, and post so much stuff about it to wake people up to what is going on, to show there is hope for those who are struggling in that area, and to let the church know there are people in their own midst struggling in that area.

  She replied that she knew I struggled in that area, but that she would think I would want to get as far away from it as I could, and not be posting and talking about it.

  I was pretty much blown away by the conversation, and felt pretty badly afterwards, to be honest. I can't think of anything I post that would entice anyone to try being gay. I post links to legal battles Christians have because of gay marriage and gay rights, links to stories of people who have overcome homosexuality...but nothing that would encourage anyone to try it, and I am insulted that anyone would say such a thing.

  The last part of her statement, about she would think I would want to get as far away from the gay issue as possible, brought to mind a similar conversation from about 15 years ago. I had a friend staying with me for a few weeks who knew about my struggles. He saw me reading a couple of books on overcoming homosexuality, and told me that I might not struggle so much if I quit reading about it.

  I feel both of these friends are wrong. Reading about others who have been there encourages me, it gives me hope that I can get past all of this and live a victorious life. Reading about people who are living victorious does not pull me down or make me struggle less, but just the opposite.

  And what if everyone did as the first friend mentioned suggested: not talk about it, and distance themselves as far from the gay issue as possible? There would be no encouraging books written, there would be no ministries to help people with same-sex attractions. All we would hear from is the ones who are out and proud, and it would do nothing to help us live victoriously, but the complete opposite.

  I am against the idea of a Christian who is living for Christ and trying to overcome homosexuality, calling himself or herself gay. I feel it can be dangerous to one's healing to identify with the sin your are trying to overcome, however, I think it is rare that one can get to the point that the attractions and desires are totally gone, and in most cases will always be there on some level. So I believe it is profitable to be involved in ministries that help people with SSA, and profitable to have contact with others who have been there.

  Ironically, the same friend who messaged me last night is a cancer survivor. Granted, cancer is not a sin, but she still talks about it, celebrates her and others' anniversaries of being cancer free.... if her logic is applied to cancer, wouldn't you think she would want to distance herself as far as she could from anything to do with cancer? Or am I wrong in drawing any kind of comparison?

  I am thankful for the resources available nowadays. When I first realized I was attracted to other guys, there was hardly anything. It was before the internet, so there was no support in that area yet. There were a few books, but not many. I had never heard of Exodus, International, and felt so alone and isolated, sure I was the only person within miles who was dealing with this issue.

  If I was just realizing it today, maybe things would be different. Who knows? There are a lot more people being open about their struggles and overcoming them than when I first realized what I was dealing with. So maybe I would get help sooner than I did and not go as far into sin as I did.

  As for anyone reading the things I post and wanting to turn gay, I honestly feel that is a crazy idea. I post nothing that glorifies that lifestyle. In fact, anyone reading the stories and articles, would want the opposite, I would think.

  I think part of the reason this bothers me, is as I am becoming more open about my struggles, it makes me wonder if this is the response I will get. Are people going to think I should not talk about it, and should distance myself? Will they be afraid I will entice young people to turn gay if I talk about it?

  Or is she right? Should I distance myself, basically stick my head in the sand and just "deal with it"?