An update

I haven't been blogging much lately, but decided I should do an update for the people who read my blog.

Most days, I am dealing with the depression fairly well. I have been trying to keep a more positive attitude, and that helps. Its when I start to dwell on the bad, that I easily get depressed.

I am still looking for a better job. To be honest, not as hard as I should be most of the time. I look for a while, then get depressed about it, and quit looking for a while. It just seems any jobs I find are ones I am not qualified for. My skills seem so few, and I have worked so much in retail, that it is what I am comfortable with, yet it doesn't pay enough. My area is very bad for jobs, and I have felt for a long time that I needed to look outside of the area, but I was just looking at jobs in another area I'd be interested in living in, and it is deja' vu all over again.... all of these jobs I am not qualified for. Sigh.

Too bad there isn't a pill one can take to get more self-confidence.

I just hit the 4-year mark of staying with my parents. I am not so self-centered to think it hasn't been easy on them, for I am sure it hasn't been, but it has been really tough on me. Not enough privacy, and no independence. I really do need my own place again, but I can't do that without a job that pays better than what I've got.

I've probably talked about it before, but my parents - and especially my mom - has a hard time letting go of their kids. I've tried talking to them about it, and it does no good. I think I need to live a little distance away from them to maintain a healthy relationship and life, which is another reason I need to find a job outside of this area. And I am not talking hundreds of miles away...... an hour or so away would be good, but how do I accomplish that?

I am still not at a good point spiritually. Occasionally, I will try to pray, but God seems so far away, and it doesn't help that I find myself angry and disappointed in Him. I can't relate to people who say God has never failed them or disappointed them. Do people really believe that? When God answers our prayers and everything is going well, we thank Him for doing so, and thank Him for His goodness....... but when things go bad, the prayers aren't answered, it seems we manufacture excuses for His inaction, for unanswered prayers. I don't know, maybe I am just not good at this faith thing.

I am still lonely. God has given me some great friends, but most are married and busy, and I get that. That is another reason I'd like to move a little. To be closer to the few single friends I have.

If you're reading this and know how to pray, keep me in your prayers. The job and living situation are a big hindrance in my life right now. I do believe if I could improve that - get a better job and get my own place again - it would help a lot. I'd get my independence and privacy back, and get my belongings out of storage and help me to feel better about myself.