A while back, I visited some friends I have known for a while, but had never been to their house. As this is an anonymous blog, I will give them fictitious names, John and Michelle. They and I both like to talk, so we talked a lot. John has been divorced and so has Michelle, and he got talking about that. I'm not sure what led him to do so, but he shared a lot about how he lived after his last divorce: drinking, promiscuous sex. He was pretty bad off. I couldn't just sit there and let him open up and not do the same, so I told them of my same-sex struggles, and that I had been very promiscuous in my life in that regard.
That opened up further conversation and a lot of sharing. Like me, John has battled to believe God loves Him and always feeling like he doesn't measure up.
I came away from that visit to realize so many people are broken and struggling with stuff in their life. I sometimes feel unique, but though the issue may be different - homosexuality for me, and promiscuous heterosexual sex for John, it all comes down to the same things: sin, and being broken.
Often, I have been guilty of making my issue into a mountain, so big that its all I can see, all I can think about. It becomes me, not just part of me.
Guys that deal with this handle in it all sorts of ways. Many embrace it. They march in gay pride parades, force their sexuality on everyone. Others silently struggle and keep it under control. Others like me, give into it on and off, and go through cycles of letting it control us, then beg God for forgiveness and try to stay away from it. However, most of us are guilty of the same thing. We make it our identity.
Heterosexual guys don't do that. We don't do it with other things. I am a avid reader, I play the piano, I am a son, brother, uncle. I love food and eat a lot. And I am gay. Being gay is just a part of me. Why do I, and others, let it become WHO we are, instead of part of who we are?
The devil is sly and smart. Far more than we could ever be. He knows our weaknesses and how to fight us the best. Could it be part of his plan and warfare to do just that? To get guys and women who deal with same-sex attractions to let it become who they are, to make it all the harder for them to fight it?
I don't know. Its just a theory. One of his biggest ways to fight though, is to get our eyes off Christ, and what better way to magnify our biggest sin/issue? And homosexuality isn't the only thing. So many people have issues, flaws, addictions, and if the devil can make those into mountains, and its all the people can see and think about, then defeat is so much easier for the devil to achieve.
Sounds good, but harder to change when its such a part of you. And I could be wrong. Just thinking out loud.
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