What does freedom look like? I spent many years hooking up with other guys for sex, chatting in gay chat-rooms, spending time on gay hookup sites and apps, hours spent viewing pornography, and hours spent thinking about sex with guys and pursuing sex with guys......and a lot of money wasted on the pursuit of sex and pleasure.
Then in December of 2013, I had the long awaited breakthrough. I am sure there were other contributing factors, but after a lifetime of not believing God loved me - or even liked me - I finally came face to face with the reality and belief that He does indeed love me more than I could ever imagine or grasp. It made an immediate difference in my life. I went from trying to serve God and do right so I could escape hell, to wanting to serve God because He loves me.
Almost overnight, my desires and attractions started to abate. The constant temptation and desire to hook up started going away, until it is so rare and slight, it is barely a ripple. Porn is still a battle, but it is losing the hold it held on me for so long. I am still attracted to other guys and struggle not to compare myself with them, but the constant war going on inside of me is gone. I may always be attracted to men and have the wish and desire for someone to love, but God has broken the hold it had on me and shattered the chains that held me tightly all of those years. My sexuality no longer rules and controls me.
There are many who would scoff at the idea of me being free from homosexuality. The fact that I am still attracted to other men would be proof to them that I am not free. Sadly many Christians would agree with that sentiment.
But what does true freedom look like? Is it freedom to have all attractions and desires for other men wiped completely away and be turned into a heterosexual? I would simply be trading sexuality to be tempted by. I would then battle lusting after women instead of men.
Could freedom possibly be the breaking of a hold sin has on a person, and grace to say no to the temptations and desires?
The alcoholic saved from alcoholism will most likely be tempted many times in his life to drink.
The drug addict saved from his addiction will face temptations and desires to do the drugs he did for so long.
The porn addict saved from pornography will still be tempted many times to go back to porn.
The gay man saved from homosexuality will likely always be attracted to other guys and may or may not be able to marry a woman and make it work... but will still be attracted to and desire other guys.
The gambler may be saved from his addiction, but will often be tempted to do it again.
So are these people free, or not free?
My best friend's father came up with an interesting theory that may or may not hold water. He pointed out how some people are instantly delivered from sinful habits to never have the desire and temptation for them again, and yet others battle the temptation and desires for the rest of their life. What if the former are people God knows can't handle the battle and temptations of their former habit/life, while the latter He knows will be strengthened by the struggle and desires?
It is an interesting theory. And I do believe I have been made stronger by still having these temptations and struggles and not giving in to them.
And I have come to believe that true freedom is God making a person strong enough and giving enough grace that they can say no to the temptations and desires instead of giving in. Is it any less a miracle or deliverance for God to break the hold a sin has on a person and make them strong enough to withstand the temptation, than it would be for Him to remove all temptation and desire for it? Is it possible that the greater miracle and freedom comes when a person still has the desires and temptations but is able to serve God and not give in because of God's grace and strength He provides?
The Bible says we will be tempted. Being a Christian doesn't mean an absence of temptation, but a guarantee that we will be tempted. And the devil is not going to tempt us in areas that aren't an issue with us, but in the areas where it is an issue and something we struggle with. That is life for a Christian. But we serve a God who is able to help us say no to any temptation or desire, even ones that ruled our lives for years.
True freedom is not the absence of temptation or desire for a sin, but is the breaking of the hold it has on a person and the grace to not give into those temptations and desires. So yes, I am free indeed.
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