Response to pro-gay theology part 1

    This post is largely in part a response to the idea being perpetrated by Christians that you can be Christian and gay. There is a Christian blogger group I am in on Facebook and a few people are pushing this idea on there, but I run across it more and more often these days. Even though I "came out" on my regular blog where everyone knows who I am, I am going to bring up some things I don't want my close friends and family to know about me, so I am posting it here on my anonymous blog.

People are not born gay

  I do not believe people are born gay, but even if we are that does not make it OK. People are born addicted to drugs because of sin, born with a predisposition to alcoholism, born with a wide range of birth defects.... that doesn't make them OK or normal....so even IF people are born gay, that doesn't negate what the Bible says about it.

 I do believe people can be born with a predisposition to being gay, and things in their life can tip them one way or the other. A few biggies in triggering gay feelings are lack of bonding with the father, a overbearing or controlling mother, and a lack of bonding with and/or bullying by one's peers.  I will give 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1:

1) Fictional John is born with a predisposition to homosexuality. However, he and his dad have a great relationship. His mom lets him be a boy and doesn't smother mother him. He is accepted by his male peers and gets along great with them. He isn't bullied, and has healthy male relationships. He will most likely be attracted to females and never experience same-sex attractions.


Scenario 2:

2) Then there is me. Two sisters, a father who I never felt loved or accepted me, and I didn't bond with. I remember the night when I was 8 or 9 that my mom came into my room and said my dad felt I was too old for him to hug and kiss. I was devastated. From that time til now, the only time he touched me was to punish me, other than a quick hug at my high school graduation.

 I attended a Christian school, but was picked on and bullied by most of the boys in junior high and high school. I had no friends. My male cousins picked on me or ignored me. I hung around with girls because they were safer. I hated and was terrible at sports. No one wanted me on their team, and I hated gym class when I was forced to participate in sports. Boys were a mystery to me and I felt I was opposite of them.

 I graduated and went on to Bible college, where I was also picked on a lot for the first couple of years.

 And then I realized I was gay. I was a naive and shy kid raised in a home with no TV. I barely knew of homosexuality or what it really was all about. I did a report on it for a class in college and was horrified to discover this was me what I was reading about. It made sense now why I was turned off by the Playboy magazine I had bought once. It made sense why I found boys attractive and why my dating relationships never went anywhere. It made sense why when I saw a trashy romance novel that I focused on the shirtless man and not the woman with cleavage.

I thought I was doomed

   I knew what the Bible said about homosexuality, and figured I was doomed. I discovered gay porn the same day I was first approached to have gay sex - the guy saw me buy the gay porn. From then on, I hooked up as often as I could with other guys. This was before the internet, and when one is hiding that lifestyle, it isn't easy to hook up, but I did. Adult bookstores, gay bathhouses, cruising areas where gay guys met to hook up, personals....there were ways. (And I now know that it is the act that is sin, not having the attractions).

 And then in 2000, I got the internet and my hook-ups exploded. There were weeks I hooked up with a different guy almost every night of the week. I soon lost track of how many guys I had hooked up with, but a conservative guess would be at least 300......and it is most likely more than that.

 I was so careless, it is only God's grace I never got killed or got AIDS. If a guy said he was disease free, I'd do any sexual act with him with no condom.

Doubting God's love

  I always doubted God loved me. I would repent and try to serve Him, only to go back to the porn and sex after a few days, weeks, or months. A little over two years ago, through some work on my part and a lot of praying, I finally believed He did....... and it changed everything. The temptations to hook up almost entirely disappeared....I still get a small urge occasionally, but have not hooked up or had a serious temptation to do since then.

 Getting hooked up with Hope For Wholeness, a ministry for people with unwanted same-sex attractions also helped. I met and became friends with several others like me who have been a great source of encouragement to me. I am constantly in awe of God's grace and mercy in my life, and have definitely not gotten what I deserve.