It's not love

  It wasn't that long ago that the idea of a gay Christian was a fringe idea. A few extreme people way out there somewhere believed that. Sadly this ideology and theology has grown. I am in a Facebook group for Christian bloggers and have been amazed and dismayed at how many people in the group feel that way and can get pretty hostile to we who still believe the Bible says homosexuality is a sin and one cannot live that life and be a Christian.

Reasons Christians push a pro-gay theology:

  I think you can boil it down to a few reasons for this wrong teaching and theology:

1) Many believe that we are born gay, so thus it is OK. People are also born addicted to drugs, with a predisposition to be alcoholics, and with a host of mental and physical deformities. That doesn't make those things OK or mean God is OK with them

2) So many people have tried to overcome it and have failed. I tried for years to be normal and "straight", only to go back to the porn and sex countless times. Is it easy? No..... but being a Christian isn't supposed to be easy. If being a Christian is easy, we probably aren't doing it right.

  Kicking alcoholism, drugs, pedophilia, and other behaviors and addictions is not easy......does that mean the person should give up and just "do it", and that God doesn't expect those people to change and is OK with them doing it and being Christians? Of course not. So what makes homosexuality special that we shouldn't be expected to have a tough time of it? And what does it say about us if we can't handle the struggle and tough times to serve God instead of our desires?

3) It isn't fair that many would go through life with no sex or someone to love. Uh, there are a lot of heterosexual people who go through life single and celibate with no sex or someone to love, for varying reasons... especially women. Since when was sex a necessity for life? We don't need it for survival. God intended it primarily for reproduction, but Satan has so perverted God's plan, and homosexuality is just one of those ways.

4) We must love and affirm gay people, and that means total acceptance and allowance for Christian gays. No, it isn't love to affirm homosexuality and to encourage anyone to be gay and "just do it".

My story

   I didn't fully grasp that I was gay until the age of 21. Once I discovered what was going on, I dove into the gay lifestyle as much as I could while keeping it a secret from everyone and letting everyone see the good Christian boy I was pretending to be.

 This was the early 90's, and it was more difficult to find guys to hook up; but I did it. Personals, gay bars, adult bookstores - you wouldn't believe how much a cruising place those are for guys to hook up with other guys......guys having sex in the video viewing booths, meeting to go home with each other, etc...... I found places where guys cruised for sex, and managed to get a lot of notches on the bedpost for a while.

 Then I got a computer and internet in 2000, and the hookups became easier and more frequent. I discovered gay bath houses where guys wander around in towels and have sex with multiple guys in one visit, gay chat rooms on the internet where guys looked to hook up - sadly these always had a few underage teen boys in them trying to hook up with adult males, and of course there were the multiple hook up sites all over the internet.

  I always struggled with my weight, and at times wasn't overweight a lot, but was never my ideal weight. I still managed to hook up with at least 300 guys over the years, most likely more than that. I can't imagine what a young slim guy who is truly "hot" can do nowadays. And many of these young guys get uses over and over by older guys who see them as nothing more than a piece of meat.

  The gay sex can get even more extreme and bizarre than heterosexual sex. Once "normal sex" doesn't satisfy, guys try to find other ways to have fun. .

It is not love

 The idea of it being love to encourage a young person - or any person - to pursue being gay is insane. Setting aside  the whole being a sin part and that it will send people to hell, there are a host of other reasons why homosexuality is a more dangerous lifestyle and that it is not love to encourage it. It makes as much sense to say it is love to encourage people to persist in other sinful and destructive behaviors and life choices such as drugs, alcoholism, adultery, obesity, etc.

Here are some statistics everyone should read, especially pro-gay people:

1) 2% of the population is gay, yet it accounts for 61% of HIV infection. Gay men are much more likely to become HIV#/get AIDS than heterosexuals.

This is a list of things gay people are more prone to get than heterosexuals:

Anal cancer
Chlamydia trachomatis
Cryptosporidium
Giardia lamblia
Herpes simplex virus
Human immunodeficiency virus
Human papilloma virus
Isospora belli
Microsporidia
Gonorrhea
Viral hepatitis types B & C

Syphilis: gay men contracted syphilis at 3 to 4 times the rate of heterosexuals.

HIV/AIDS: A study based upon statistics from 1986 through 1990 estimated that 20-year-old gay men had a 50% chance of becoming HIV positive by age 55. As of June 2001, nearly 64% of men with AIDS were men who have had sex with men.

Death and disease accompany promiscuous and unsanitary sexual activity. 70%25 to 78%x,13 of gays reported having had a sexually transmitted disease. The proportion with intestinal parasites (worms, flukes, amoeba) ranged from 25%18 to 39%19 to 59%.20 As of 1992, 83% of U.S. AIDS in whites had occurred in gays.The Seattle sexual diary study reported that gays had, on a yearly average:

Fellated (oral sex) 108 men and swallowed semen from 48;
Exchanged saliva with 96;
Experienced 68 penile penetrations of the anus; and
Ingested fecal material from 19

Some AIDS/HIV statistics from the CDC:

In 2013, in the United States, gay and bisexual men accounted for 81% (30,689) of the 37,887 estimated HIV diagnoses among all males aged 13 years and older and 65% of the 47,352 estimated diagnoses among all persons receiving an HIV diagnosis that year.

In 2013, gay and bisexual men accounted for 55% of the estimated number of persons diagnosed with AIDS among all adults and adolescents in the United States. Of the estimated 14,611 gay and bisexual men diagnosed with AIDS, 40% were blacks/African Americans; 32% were whites; and 23% were Hispanics/Latinos.

By the end of 2011, an estimated 311,087 gay and bisexual men with AIDS had died in the United States since the beginning of the epidemic, representing 47% of all deaths of persons with AIDS.

In 2011, CDC data showed that 80.6% of MSM with diagnosed HIV infection were linked to care, 57.5% were retained in care, 52.9% were prescribed anti-retroviral therapy (ART), and 44.6% had achieved viral suppression.

2) Gay people are about 50% more likely to suffer from depression and substance abuse than the rest of the population.

Multiple studies have identified high rates of psychiatric illness, including depression, drug abuse and suicide attempts, among self-professed gays and lesbians. Gay activists argue that mental illness is induced by other people’s homophobia and intolerance.

But that argument is undermined by an extensive study in the Netherlands — a country of legalized same-sex marriages where GLBTs are widely accepted.The Dutch study, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, found a high rate of psychiatric disease associated with same-sex sex. Gay men were much more likely to experience major depression, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia and obsessive compulsive disorder. Lesbians were more often diagnosed with major depression, social phobia or alcohol dependence. The researchers found “that homosexuality is not only associated with mental health problems during adolescence and early adulthood…but also in later life.”

Depression and drug abuse, in turn, can lead to reckless sexual behavior, even among those who understand the deadly risks, such as older professional gay men.

 73% of the psychiatrists in the American Psychiatric Association who responded to a survey, said that they believe that homosexuals are unhappier than other people.

3) Chances of molestation are greater in the gay life. There is a higher rate of molestation by parents among children raised by gay parents. 29% compared to .6%

4) Gay men are much more promiscuous than heterosexuals. 28% of gay men have had more than 1000 partners. 83% of gay men reported that they had had sex with 50 or more men in a lifetime. 43% estimated that had sex with 500 or more partners.

5) There is a lower rate of fidelity among homosexuals. Among married men, 75.5% reported sexual fidelity. 4.5% homosexual males reported fidelity. I can attest to that. In my years in chat rooms and on hookup sites, I ran across a lot of gay couples who were looking for others to join them for sex, and often one or both of them were doing it on the sly without the other one's knowledge.

Another website gives similar numbers:

75% of white gay males (3 of every 4) claimed to have had more than 100 lifetime male sex partners;
15% claimed 100-249 sex partners;
17% claimed 250-499;
15% claimed 500- 999;
28% (that’s more than 1 of every 5 white gay men!) claimed more than 1,000 lifetime male sex partners.

8) There are more dangerous sexual practices among gay people than heterosexuals:


a) Oral-anal contact (aka “rimming”). This is a popular sexual activity among gay men. One man inserts his tongue into the anus of another guy and does the equivalent of french kissing, only on the anus. Diseases are spread very easily through this unsanitary practice..... and it is very common.

b) Anal intercourse:
Beginning in the “gay” culture, anal sex has now been “popularized” among heterosexuals via systematic propaganda of pornography.

But the simple truth is this: The human body was not designed to accommodate anal intercourse.

The rectum is significantly different from the vagina with regard to suitability for penetration by a penis. The vagina has natural lubricants and is composed of a mucus membrane with a multi-layer stratified squamous epithelium that allows it to endure friction without damage and to resist the immunological actions caused by semen and sperm. In contrast, the anus is a delicate mechanism of small muscles that comprise an “exit-only” passage. With repeated trauma, friction and stretching, the sphincter loses its tone and its ability to maintain a tight seal. Consequently, anal intercourse leads to leakage of fecal material that can easily become chronic. Moreover, the intestine has only a single layer of cells separating it from blood. Therefore, any organisms that are introduced into the rectum have a much easier time establishing a foothold for infection than they would in a vagina. The single layer tissue cannot withstand the friction associated with penile penetration, resulting in traumas that expose both participants to blood, organisms in feces, and a mixing of bodily fluids.

Furthermore, ejaculate has components that are immunosuppressive, designed to allow the sperm to evade the immune defenses of the female. The fragility of the anus and rectum, along with the immunosuppressive effect of ejaculate, make anal-genital intercourse a most efficient manner of transmitting HIV and other infections. Below is a list of diseases found with extraordinary frequency among male homosexual practitioners as a result of anal intercourse. Sexual transmission of some of these diseases is so rare in the exclusively heterosexual population as to be virtually unknown. Lesbians are also at higher risk for these STDs:

c) Human Waste.....there are actually guys who will do the rimming thing on an unwashed anus and will also ingest human excrement. Yeah, nasty..... but there is no end in sight with bizarre and dangerous gay sexual practices........though this one is very uncommon to my knowledge.

d) Fisting. This very common practice, though I have never been around it, is for a man to insert his fist, often up to the elbow or shoulder, into the rectum of another man. Any sane person could see the health risks with such a behavior, but it is all too common.

e) Sadism Sadism is the sexualization of pain and cruelty, named for the 18th Century novelist, the Marquis de Sade. The medical consequences of such activities range from mild to fatal, depending upon the nature of the injuries inflicted. As many as 37% of homosexuals (more than 1 of every 3) have practiced some form of sadism.

Is it really love? No, it isn't.

  Sadly, these are all very common dangers in the gay lifestyle. The chances of gay youth and adults engaging in a dangerous sexual activity are much greater than heterosexuals. So is it really love to encourage people to pursue this? Monogamy is rare, and it is found, how many different men and dangerous sexual activities will a guy go through before he finds that...... and if he does find it, anal intercourse is usually a given even then; and that is dangerous for even monogamous couples.

 If the pro-gay Christians truly care about gay people and want to love them, they should thoroughly read up on the dangers of a gay lifestyle. They are doing no favors to anyone by encouraging them to pursue being gay. To love like Jesus is to love people no matter what, but to never, ever encourage sin.

  And that is just the health and mental dangers. For me, the spiritual implications are even worse and more guaranteed.

Most of the information I got was on these two websites, though there are many resources on and off the internet that give similar information:

DCclothesline.com

BibleBeleivers.com

CDC

A response to pro-gay theology part 2

 Part 2 of my response to pro-gay theology and ideology

Read part 1 for an explanation for this post.

   Over the years, I have read a lot of books and articles on this subject. I studied the Bible and know every verse that talks about homosexuality, I prayed a lot, have heard the arguments from the pro-gay side, and am 100% convinced that homosexuality is a sin and there is no way you can be a practicing homosexual and be Christian. To push this idea that you can be gay and Christian, you have to ignore or twist a lot of Bible verses. Such as 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10

9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[a  nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

  Those 2 verses are followed up by one of my favorite verses, 1 Corinthians 6:11

11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

  As such were some of you. Such awesome words that give me hope. But think for a moment... if that verse is true, than not only is homosexuality a sin, but change and repentance is necessary and possible.... as with any other sin,

  I have a lot to say, and am not sure how to say it all, so I am going to make a list in no particular order of things I feel need addressed:

But Jesus didn't mention homosexuality.......

1) The "Jesus didn't say anything about it" argument. This is a favorite of pro-gay crowd. It IS true that Jesus didn't mention it in the Gospels... that is recorded..... but the whole Bible is God's Word. Jesus and the Father are one, so Jesus DID address it other placed in the Bible.

He also didn't address incest, bestiality, rape, pedophilia (not by name)....but I don't think many Christians would use the same argument for those.

And any time Jesus talked about marriage, He talked about a man and a woman. Bible scholars agree that homosexuality was most likely not much of an issue in Israel at that time, but it would have been in Rome...hence the verses there about it.

But it is OK if they really love each other and are faithful......

2) The monogamy argument: This us two-fold. The argument is made that the Bible doesn't condemn a loving monogamous relationship between 2 guys....but that distinction is not made in Scripture. It says sex between 2 people of the same gender is not natural and is a sin, and those who practice it will go to hell. Period.

 The other point I wanted to make is the myth of gay monogamy. In my years in the gay lifestyle, I ran across a lot of gay couples. They were either looking for a third or more to have sex with, or one or both of them was meeting other guys secretly for sex. There may be a few gay couples who are truly monogamous, but that is about as rare as Hillary Clinton telling the truth.

But it isn't hurting anyone.......

3) The not damaging idea. This isn't necessarily an argument given a lot, but needs to be addressed. Homosexuality is dangerous. AIDS and other STDS are much more common among gay men than heterosexuals. Gay men are much more promiscuous than heterosexuals. I have read of guys who have had over 1000 sexual partners in their lifetime.... and that isn't uncommon.

 Anal sex, a very popular sexual activity, is dangerous health-wise. It gives a higher risk for colon cancer, bowel problems, and is also a higher risk for disease. There are websites geared for men wanting to have it "bareback" - no condom.. yet some of the same guys on those sites are on other sites saying they want "safe sex": - condom. There are actually sex parties where guys go where some have HIV and others don't. They have sex with multiple partners, not knowing if the guy is HIV+ or not..... and even worse, there are guys who are "bug chasers" who seek out HIV+ guys to have sex with so they can get it.

  HIV+ guys refer to themselves as "POZ" and the stigma and danger of being HIV+ are not just ignored, but almost celebrated.

And it hurts families who know it is wrong and have loved ones selfishly pursue a dangerous and sinful lifestyle as heartbroken family members look on.

4) Homosexuality is brokenness. For a variety of reasons, men have been hurt by missing out on the love of a father, or other issues. We fix brokenness, we don't encourage it and make it worse.

5) Homosexuality is basically worship. The majority of gay men are extremely shallow, self-centered,  and focused on looks. That is one reason gay relationships don't last..... it is all about getting a hot guy that will make them feel good, There is rarely any true unselfish love, for it is all based on the wrong things.

6) Homosexuality is just like any other sin in that it needs to be repented of and stopped.......but it is also unlike other sins. There are no other sins that people are marching in pride parades. There are no other sins that are being forced on us to accept and be silent about.

  There are even Christians who say we talk about homosexuality too much and there are other sins, etc.... but no other sin is being pushed on us like homosexuality.

7) The church does need to change how it addresses this sin/issue. No one should have to sit in the church pew and fear people knowing they deal with same-sex attractions. No one should fear being ostracized or kicked out of their church for having these attractions and desires....... but the answer is not to affirm and accept the sin. The answer is to say "I love you and will walk this path with you and do all I can to help you" to those wanting to change. And to those not wanting to change, "I believe your lifestyle is wrong and I cannot condone it, but I will love you, be your friend, and accept you as a person".

8) I 100% believe with this push for acceptance and normalizing of homosexuality and the encouragement to young people to experiment, that there are a lot of people going into the gay lifestyle who otherwise would have had a normal heterosexual relationship and marriage.

9) Gay pride: The Bible condemns pride even more than it condemns homosexuality.....how can a Christian be proud of their sexuality, and especially one the Bible says is a sin?

What about the other sexual sins?

10) The other sexual sins in the Bible. In the Old Testament, incest, homosexuality, fornication, and bestiality are all condemned as sinful. In the New Testament, I don't believe incest is specifically mentioned as sinful and bestiality are not... yet we still consider those sinful and unnatural. What is special about homosexuality, which is mentioned and condemned in the New Testament, that we think we can twist and reason around Scripture and say it is OK? Why not defend the other sinful immoral practices?

11) Society and the world cannot be our guide on morality or sin. For years, people believed the Bible condemned homosexuality, but then gay people started working on getting it accepted and finding ways to make people look bad who disagreed with them. Hollywood started pushing it, and slowly it became normalized by society and the world... so many Christians and churches changed their views on it.... but the Bible still says it is wrong and sinful.....why are so many Christians willing to go along with it being OK since the world says it is OK? If that is all that keeps defines right and wrong for us, there is no end in sight for what Christians will accept and defend.

 Incest is already on the horizon. There is a slight push to normalize it, and why not? If we can toss out what the Bible says about homosexuality, should incest be any different? If we go with what society says and they get to the point where incest is OK and normal, how many Christians will go along with it? Most likely the same as are going along with homosexuality.

Bigamy is being pushed..... and why not? If a man can marry a man, why can't he marry two women... or twenty women?

  There is also a small push on for pedophilia. Some might scoff at the idea of it being legal and accepted here, but once a country starts down the slippery moral slope, there is no end in sight. There are a lot of people who want the age of consent lowered. There are psychologists trying to say it is normal....it will happen. The question is just when, not if.

  In my countless hours spent in gay chat rooms. I ran across a lot of boys under the age of 18. No, I never hooked up with them, but I am sure they found guys who would. I have read enough and heard enough to know that a lot of gay guys' first sexual experience was as a minor with an adult male.

12) A lot - not all, but a lot - of gay men were molested as kids by a teen boy or an adult male.....how on earth is that OK and good coming from that?

13) Something seriously wrong , no matter how good the intentions are; is for Christians to affirm and accept homosexuality. The Bible plainly states that people engaging in sex with the same gender will go to hell.....so it is not love to encourage the deceptive thinking that one can be Christian and gay.

Some day, we will all stand before God and be judged, And gay people will not thank those who encouraged them to pursue a life of sin and ignore what God had to say, And the excuse "but people told me I was OK" will not work on that day. Those people who miss Heaven for that reason will curse those who "affirmed" them in their sin.

14) There are many men - and women - who have walked away from the gay lifestyle and lived for God instead of their sexual desires. Is it easy? No. Have there been many who got discouraged and went back to the gay lifestyle? Yes.... but that doesn't make it OK. There are a lot of people saved from drugs  and alcoholism who stayed clean, and many who went back to it..... but we don't say it is OK just because they found it difficult to overcome their addictions.

15) God doesn't "make people gay". I saw this statement from a gay affirming Christian that God makes people gay, and that is a good thing. I sort of covered this in my previous blog post, but I do lean towards believing people are not born gay.....but even if they are, did God really make them gay, or is it genetics or something else? Do we say God makes people blind, mentally handicapped, born without limbs, and other deformities? Do we say God makes men adulterers and it is good?

16) To embrace one's same-sex attractions and live for them is to put them above God. A gay person has to do no differently than anyone else wanting to serve God - deny yourself - even your sexual desires, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. If God asks all others to forsake their sin and follow Him, what makes homosexuality exempt? Jesus said this was a narrow way......can you truly be on the narrow way while having sex with someone of the same gender?


  I find this push of Christian people to make gay OK offensive. I have been there. I know the chains that held me for years from that sin, and I know the deliverance from it.... and I have seen others who have similar testimonies..... I know beyond the shout of a doubt that it is sin and will lead to death and an eternity in hell...... that is what the Bible says, and that is not anyone's interpretation, but plain black and white.

 We don't encourage anyone else to ignore what the Bible says about a sin and just do it......why is this sin special?

 It isn't. It isn't an easy thing to deal with, but you don't fix that by saying it is OK and the Bible is wrong.......that doesn't work.

  Yes, love gay people..really love them. Don't affirm their delusion and encourage a dangerous and damning lifestyle, but love them and let them know even if you disagree with them, you are their friend and you love them. Jesus never left people in their sin...... He loved them and changed them.

Response to pro-gay theology part 1

    This post is largely in part a response to the idea being perpetrated by Christians that you can be Christian and gay. There is a Christian blogger group I am in on Facebook and a few people are pushing this idea on there, but I run across it more and more often these days. Even though I "came out" on my regular blog where everyone knows who I am, I am going to bring up some things I don't want my close friends and family to know about me, so I am posting it here on my anonymous blog.

People are not born gay

  I do not believe people are born gay, but even if we are that does not make it OK. People are born addicted to drugs because of sin, born with a predisposition to alcoholism, born with a wide range of birth defects.... that doesn't make them OK or normal....so even IF people are born gay, that doesn't negate what the Bible says about it.

 I do believe people can be born with a predisposition to being gay, and things in their life can tip them one way or the other. A few biggies in triggering gay feelings are lack of bonding with the father, a overbearing or controlling mother, and a lack of bonding with and/or bullying by one's peers.  I will give 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1:

1) Fictional John is born with a predisposition to homosexuality. However, he and his dad have a great relationship. His mom lets him be a boy and doesn't smother mother him. He is accepted by his male peers and gets along great with them. He isn't bullied, and has healthy male relationships. He will most likely be attracted to females and never experience same-sex attractions.


Scenario 2:

2) Then there is me. Two sisters, a father who I never felt loved or accepted me, and I didn't bond with. I remember the night when I was 8 or 9 that my mom came into my room and said my dad felt I was too old for him to hug and kiss. I was devastated. From that time til now, the only time he touched me was to punish me, other than a quick hug at my high school graduation.

 I attended a Christian school, but was picked on and bullied by most of the boys in junior high and high school. I had no friends. My male cousins picked on me or ignored me. I hung around with girls because they were safer. I hated and was terrible at sports. No one wanted me on their team, and I hated gym class when I was forced to participate in sports. Boys were a mystery to me and I felt I was opposite of them.

 I graduated and went on to Bible college, where I was also picked on a lot for the first couple of years.

 And then I realized I was gay. I was a naive and shy kid raised in a home with no TV. I barely knew of homosexuality or what it really was all about. I did a report on it for a class in college and was horrified to discover this was me what I was reading about. It made sense now why I was turned off by the Playboy magazine I had bought once. It made sense why I found boys attractive and why my dating relationships never went anywhere. It made sense why when I saw a trashy romance novel that I focused on the shirtless man and not the woman with cleavage.

I thought I was doomed

   I knew what the Bible said about homosexuality, and figured I was doomed. I discovered gay porn the same day I was first approached to have gay sex - the guy saw me buy the gay porn. From then on, I hooked up as often as I could with other guys. This was before the internet, and when one is hiding that lifestyle, it isn't easy to hook up, but I did. Adult bookstores, gay bathhouses, cruising areas where gay guys met to hook up, personals....there were ways. (And I now know that it is the act that is sin, not having the attractions).

 And then in 2000, I got the internet and my hook-ups exploded. There were weeks I hooked up with a different guy almost every night of the week. I soon lost track of how many guys I had hooked up with, but a conservative guess would be at least 300......and it is most likely more than that.

 I was so careless, it is only God's grace I never got killed or got AIDS. If a guy said he was disease free, I'd do any sexual act with him with no condom.

Doubting God's love

  I always doubted God loved me. I would repent and try to serve Him, only to go back to the porn and sex after a few days, weeks, or months. A little over two years ago, through some work on my part and a lot of praying, I finally believed He did....... and it changed everything. The temptations to hook up almost entirely disappeared....I still get a small urge occasionally, but have not hooked up or had a serious temptation to do since then.

 Getting hooked up with Hope For Wholeness, a ministry for people with unwanted same-sex attractions also helped. I met and became friends with several others like me who have been a great source of encouragement to me. I am constantly in awe of God's grace and mercy in my life, and have definitely not gotten what I deserve.

May stuff

   I have seriously neglected this blog so far this year, and need to remedy that. Things are still going fairly well in my life. I have lost track of how long it has been since I hooked up, but it has got to be around 2 years now. I am still rarely tempted to do so, and the temptation isn't very severe when it does come. Pornography is a bigger battle right now, but it isn't as tough as it used to be. I still feel my relationship with God is far from what it needs to be, yet I am amazed at how far He has brought me. Life isn't perfect, but it is good.

 Regarding my health: I had mentioned in my last blog post about it..... I am still on blood thinners and will be through September, but the blood clots should be gone. I have lost 26 pounds, and hope to lose about 30 more to get down where I should be. I have gotten my sugar low enough that last week the doctor took me off of the pills I was taking for that, something that made my day.

  I have been pretty discouraged and depressed lately, but that is lessening. I think I was letting the doctor and hospital bills, the diabetes, and all that stuff get to me. Thankfully, I seem to be coming out of that.

  The last two years I have gone to the Hope for Wholeness Conference, and got a lot of help and encouragement from it. This year, I made the tough decision to go with my family on vacation to the ocean. I couldn't do both, and I don't know how many more years my parents will be able to make the trip..... plus my nieces wanted me to go badly; so I will be heading for the ocean for a whole week on Saturday, June 4.

  I had a couple of cool things happen recently. I work in a large hospital, and received special recognition for the good job I do. Then I got a 48 cent raise on my last paycheck. It is the little things that make life better.

 I have been dealing with loneliness a lot lately. I enjoy solitude, eating out alone, shopping alone.... but I often find myself wishing I had someone to do that stuff with occasionally; but I don't. Being a single guy in your 40's who has no interest in sports, hunting, fishing, etc, is tough..... but such is life.

  Until next time......

 

Spring update

 It has been a while since I posted on here, and thought I should do an update. Things on the same-sex attraction front are still going well. I still find other guys attractive and mainly struggle with lust occasionally, but the temptation to hook up is rarely there and when it is, it is very minimum. It has been a long time since I have even been tempted to go on one of the many hook up sites or apps that I used to use.... and I am thankful for that,

 Pornography is still a battle, but not as much as it used to be; so I am hoping it is losing its grip on me also. My porn addiction is different from most guys. I have watched a lot of videos over the years and looked at pictures, but my main struggle and what I have used to get off on for years has been gay erotic stories. Maybe it is because I have always been a big reader, but therein lies my biggest struggle right now.

  My relationship with God has been going very well. I had a hospital stay in early March. I had been really sick, and passed out at work at the hospital I work at. They diagnosed me with bronchitis, pulmonary embolism, and diabetes type 2. Thankfully I don't need shots, but am on 1000 mg of a pill for the diabetes and am on blood thinners for 6 months for the blood clots. The whole experience has really taught me to trust God, and as I have changed my eating habits; I have been losing weight - 21 pounds so far.

  I have read a couple of really good books I may post about later, but for anyone stopping by my blog, I am still alive and fighting the fight.

Being a real man

*** I am doing something I never have done before: I am posting the same post on both of my blogs: this one where I remain anonymous, and my blog where everyone knows who I am:

  I have been making a lot of progress lately in areas that I have struggled with for years. I don't like to over analyze such things, but it has been a reason for introspection on why now.....what is different now from all the previous years that I carried this heavy cross?

  For a while, I chalked it up to finally believing God loves me. In the last 2 years since I came to that crucible, I have experienced growth in ways like never before. I don't want to minimize that, or God's role in this process. As I have thought about it, I have come to see something else that has helped me: I have slowly adjusted my thinking on what a real man is.

  A quick explanation for those not too familiar with the causes a of and issues relating to same-sex attraction:  One big thing that is in most or all guys that struggle with this issue:  they don't feel like a male. Instead of viewing girls as different and opposite of what they are, they view boys as different and opposite of what they are. The older a boy gets, the worse it usually gets. They admire boy's bodies instead of girls. Boys are a mystery instead of girls. By the time they hit their late teens and enter young adulthood, they don't feel like a man; and want what they see in who they view as real men. This envy, admiration, and gender confusion becomes extremely sexualized.

  I could be a little off the mark, but I don't believe I am by coming to this conclusion: by our culture defining what boys and men are, what they should do, how they should act, etc; we are helping to contribute to gender confusion and same-sex attraction. Notice I said "help contribute", not totally cause. By emphasizing to young boys and men that men must do certain things and act in certain ways, we are helping to cement further their thinking that they are not real men or boys; and are not like real men and boys.

  From a fairly young age, we start putting these ideas in boys' heads of what real men and boys are like. Now obviously, as Christians we don't do all of these; but they are out there to be heard and seen on TV, in movies, in school, billboards, radio, from other males, and multiple other places:

Real men don't cry

Real men are tough

Real men have facial hair

Real men smoke and/or chew

Real men drive pick up trucks

Real men hunt and fish

Real men have sex with as many females as they can. The more notches on the belt, the more manly you are

Real men curse

Real men drink beer

Real men wear boots and blue jeans

Real men never back down from a fight

Real men eat, drink, and breathe whatever sport is in season at the time

Real men don't like to shop, unless it is Dick's Sporting Goods, Bass Pro Shops, Gander Mountain, Cabela's,  or Home Depot.

Real men can change their own oil, brake pads, or any other minor car upkeep and maintenance 

Real men don't mind getting dirty

Real men have tattoos....multiple ones

Real men aren't afraid of anything

Real men wouldn't write a blog post like this.....or would they?

    There are probably other things that could be added, but these things cover it pretty well. And it depends on where you live what constitutes being a real man. In western states, real men wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats. In ocean and beach areas, real men surf and boat.

  I looked my list over after I typed it, and only found one thing I do on there: I like to wear blue jeans. I realize that ideas of what real men do and don't do differ among people. I have my own ideas of what  real men don't do:

Real men don't wear earrings, or any flashy jewelry

Real men DON'T smoke or chew

Real men wait until marriage for sex, and then stay faithful to their wife.

Real men don't wear certain colors

Real men don't get tattoos.

Real men don't play golf

Real men don't drive a Prius

Real men don't watch half naked men beating on each other or writing around on a mat with each other

Real men shave

Real men don't have long hair

Real men don't own strip clubs......... (sorry, had to slip that one in)

  I have more, but will leave it at that. My list may be offensive to someone who reads it and does those things, and they may feel I am wrong for daring to suggest them.....but what about the ideals that have been put on guys like me that I must do certain things or act in certain ways because I am a man? It may not always be verbally said, but the inference is there that if you don't fulfill the cultural ideals of what real men are like; then you are not a real man. For guys struggling with gender confusion and same-sex attractions, this causes them to feel less like men than they already do; and adds to their struggles.

  As I keep traveling this road I am on, I am coming to realize that cultural norms and  long held ideas of what men and boys should or should not do, do not define me or my masculinity. It has been a slow process and long in coming, but I am finally seeing that I am not less of a man because sports bore me and I view them with annoyance and disgust, I am not less of a man because I am emotional, vulnerable, and cry. I'm not less of a man because I take my car to Walmart for an oil change. I am not less of a man because I love to shop........ and not at sporting good stores.....though I do wear blue jeans when I am shopping.....

  We need to toss out these preconceived notions and ideas of what makes a real man, No, that doesn't mean boys should play with Barbie dolls and wear pink? No, but they should be encouraged to pursue what they're interested in and what they enjoy within reason. They should be affirmed as male even if they don't do everything the culture around them says they should do as men and boys.

I play the piano (I actually got made fun of in high school for taking piano lessons since I am a male)

I cry while reading books, watching movies, listening to music..... and other times.

I am emotional and vulnerable

I am more open than most men

I love to shop

I love to read

I love to knit. (No, not really....just made that one up)

I enjoy cooking

  And I am still a man. I am still masculine. I am not a carbon copy made from the ideal man. I am my own person with my own interests, passions, and talents. The more I have realized this and come to accept it, the more help and growth I have experienced. I don't have to be like the Marlboro man, John Wayne, or Ben Roethlisberge to be a real man.

  I believe the best place to go for what a man should be like is the Bible. I may never own a pickup - though I wouldn't mind having one, and not so I feel more like man - I will never drink, get a tattoo, or a lot of the things associated with men; but I want to strive for these........ for these are what make a real man:

Honesty

Integrity

Faithfulness

Self control

Sexual integrity

Patience

Upstanding 

Gentle

Vulnerable

Kind

Friendly

Prayerful

Christian

Diligent

Disciplined

Humble

Compassionate

It takes more of a man to say no to sexual immorality than to have an endless list of sexual conquests.

It takes more of a man to live a Christian life than a godless one

It takes more of a man to pray for his food in public than to let loose with a few curse words.

It takes more of a man to refuse drugs, smoking, and beer than to indulge in them.

It takes more of a man to open up about his feelings and dreams than to stay closed off to everyone.

  If we are going to define manhood and say what a real man is like, then we should go to the Bible to get that definition; not culture, not TV, not the world, not sports....... but the Bible. I want to be God's idea of a man, not the world's idea, not popular culture's idea; but God's.


What this dying world could use is a willing Man of God
Who dares to go against the grain & works without applause;
A man who'll raise the shield of Faith, protecting what is pure;
Whose love is tough & gentle; a man whose word is sure.

God doesn't need an Orator who knows what just to say;
He doesn't need authorities to reason Him away;
He doesn't need an army to guarantee a win;
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Men full of Compassion, who Laugh & Love & Cry-
Men who'll face Eternity & aren't afraid to die-
Men who'll fight for Freedom & Honor once again-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

He calls the broken derelict whose life has been renewed;
He calls the one who has the strength to stand up for the Truth.
Enlistment lines are open & He wants you to come in-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Men full of Compassion, who Laugh & Love & Cry-
Men who'll face Eternity & aren't afraid to die-
Men who'll fight for Freedom & Honor once again-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Book and website suggestion

 I ran onto an interesting and helpful website a few weeks ago: Your Other Brothers. It is run by a handful of guys who struggle with same-sex attractions. They have posted some interesting and helpful articles, and you can have them sent to your email.

  One of the guys who writes for the website, Kevin Frye, has written a book titled "Thy Will Be Done:  Sexual Orientation in the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth". Unfortunately, it is available only as an e-book on Smashwords..... and I am not an e-book fan......... but I spend the $7.99 for the e-book and read  through it pretty quickly. The author addresses some issues I had never considered and takes an approach most authors on this subject do not take. I highly recommend it.