A victory

  

Today was one of my days off, but I had four hours of training I had to go to for work. As I was getting ready for bed last night, I got hit pretty hard with temptation for porn, and I had this strong urge to go to the adult bookstore. I tried to shake it off, read my Bible and prayed, and went to bed.

 I woke up this morning feeling really discouraged, and still tempted. I had something that seems small happen that got me irritated and more discouraged, and was feeling like I was going to hit the adult bookstore on my way home, though I didn't want to fall again.

  I was feeling so discouraged, frustrated, and tempted, that I shot a friend of mine an email and told him I was really tempted to go to the adult bookstore later. I had two reasons for emailing him: I knew he'd pray, and I knew if I told him that, it would lessen my chances of doing it, since I told him.

  By the time I got to work, I was feeling some better. There were about 15 or so people there for the training, and just one other guy from my shift, my favorite co-worker, a kid about to turn 21. I found him extremely attractive when I first met him, but that has faded since I got to know him. It is a testimony to the fact that familiarity causes the attraction to go that I was able to physically touch him and never had an inappropriate thought. We were learning how to restrain patients and also how to get out of a person trying to hold us down, and we had to demonstrate on someone. He and I paired up, and like I said... nothing. I did jokingly tell my best friend that I got to put my arms around "Michael" and he around me, but I honestly didn't feel anything.

  When I left the training, the temptation to go to the adult bookstore hit, but not as hard as before. It helps that the place is out of my way a few miles. I just said no, and went home.

  It was a small victory, but it was a victory, and I am thankful for overcoming this temptation.