My best friend also struggles with same-sex attraction, though he has been more open about his struggles. Anyone who knows him knows about it. He gets frustrated with his church for not doing more to help him and that is one of his favorite soapboxes. I told him recently that he about foams at the mouth when he talks about it..... and its almost that bad :-) . I gave him an assignment: I asked him to come up with an idea of what the church should do to help those who struggle with this issue, and specifically what he wishes his church would do to help him.
In the meantime, I thought I'd talk about it some. I think my friend may expect too much out of people. Guys have jobs and families, and I get that. I find myself wishing people do more too.
There are several people who know about my struggles at my church. Without counting, I'd guess between 15 and 20. At least. No one ever asks how I am doing specifically in that area. Occasionally someone will say they are praying for me, but that is rare.
My church redid their youth program a few years ago, and its a big deal now. There is a lot of focus on it. I believe 100% that if a teenager admitted a struggle in this area, there would be an outpouring of love and concern. The leaders of the group would be texting them often checking up on them, calling, etc..... they do that with some kids who are just struggling spiritually, so I am not just using conjecture. So what am I, chopped liver? I'm not bitter about it, and I really don't know what the solution is, or what I would even expect, which is one reason I don't say much about it.
I have read about some guys that come out and admit their struggles as they try to live a Christian life, and they are surrounded by friends and people wanting to help and provide accountability. Wesley Hill, author of Washed and Waiting (a great book), and Matt Moore are good examples of this.... is it because they are younger? If I were admitting my struggle and was age 16 or 21, would people care more, do more to help? Or is that voice inside correct that says no one really cares, no one really likes me, and that is why I'm left to drift and crash?
I do have some people who genuinely seem to care, but not many close by. My friend thinks I need to just go to a different church, but I can't see that changing anything. I know of no church in my area that has a specific ministry to guys like me, and I know from my time as a mentor for setting captives free that there are tons of churches where guys are struggling in silence, and don't feel like they can tell anyone, and the ones who do, don't receive any or much support.... so what is the answer?
I've thought a lot about it, and this came to me. Awareness.
I imagine the majority of people in my church would be surprised and shocked that a gay man is attending their church, and has been for years. And the same could be said of many churches across America.
Christians need to be aware that statistically speaking, the chances are greater that there are people dealing with same sex attractions in their congregation, than not. My pastor does as well as he can to help me, though I don't think he completely gets it, but one time I said something about being the only one struggling with it, and he said I wasn't. I can't remember the exact words that were said, but it made me think he meant there was someone else in my church. That was at least 7-8 years ago, so I have no clue if the person or persons still attends there, but I am very likely not the only one. We average 250-300 people on Sundays, so there's a good chance I am not the only one.
Christians need to be aware of what homosexuality is and what it isn't. Gay people aren't child molesters. Some are, of course, but the percentage of heterosexuals that molest kids is much higher.
They need to be aware that gay isn't contagious. They won't catch it by being around a gay person.
I think most Christians have no clue about homosexuality. The causes, what its like for those dealing with it, especially the ones who are fighting it and trying to be a Christian. They see the gay militants marching in gay pride parades, they see the gay agenda trying to teach kids as young as Kindergarten to explore their sexuality, they see all the crap the gays out in the forefront are trying to do, and that is how they see all gay people. They need to be aware that all gay people aren't like that. That there are people silently struggling in their midst. Some of them may never act out sexually. Some may never get the nerve to tell anyone about their struggles, for fear of rejection or being ostracized. Some will eventually kill themselves, not knowing how to deal with it, and being fearful of being found out. Some will leave the church and live the gay lifestyle 100%. Some will stay in the pew and act out privately, no one knowing their secret lives.
Every gay adult out there marching in a gay pride parade with all the filth and deviant behaviors was once a young person dealing with desires and attractions they didn't know how to handle. Imagine if the right person had been there to befriend them, to love them, to show them Jesus..... but the church runs from it. We need to stand against the gay agenda, but we also need to love the gay person, especially the ones in our church and back yard.
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