It will sound rude to say it, but I think my parents are big triggers for me when it comes to porn and sex. I've kind of thought that before, but it really hit me today.
Due to past failures, I am still living with them with most of my belongings in storage, and that alone has been tough on my self esteem...... if you don't feel like a man, don't feel like a success, try living with your parents at my age.....
Anyway, I was off from work today and had a rarity: the house to myself til around 2:00. I went out for breakfast, then came back home and vacuumed and cleaned up a bit, then wrapped most of the gifts I have bought while listening to Christmas music. Normally, I'd have been at porn, but didn't feel drawn to it much....... I just enjoyed the solitude and the quiet house, other than the Christmas music.
Then my parents came home. Its not necessarily anything they said, its just them. My mom tends to talk a lot, and to me, it seems loud. My dad came in and goes "hey, if you don't get new tires on your car, you're going to wreck before winter is over." That may not seem bad, and maybe I'm thin-skinned where my parents are concerned, but it bothered me. He could have just said it looks like I need tires.
Anyway, they had barely been home when not only was I craving porn, but sex. I was even pulling up my hook up apps and websites on my phone.
The book I read and just recommended, Pure Eyes, has a place in the back to write triggers, escape plan, etc, and ways to avoid triggers. What do you do if some of your triggers are your parents? Ugh
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