Temptations and resolutions

I have really been tempted the last few days. Not just for porn, but sex. I even found myself fantasizing about having sex with men - not actually fantasizing about sex, but fantasizing about doing it again. It has been pretty hard hitting. And there may be a reason for that.

 I'm sick. Really sick. A "gift" from relatives over Christmas. It isn't the throwing up stuff, but man have I been miserable. I called off for the first time from my current job, and have worked the last two days, but only because I don't have to do much at this location.

 The devil definitely doesn't fight fair. I don't think its any coincidence that while I am feeling so weak and sick physically, that he would attack with heavy temptations.

 The good thing is, I feel so terrible, there is no way I am going to hook up for sex. Even porn/masturbation isn't something I feel like doing.

 It has had me feeling like giving up, but I keep reminding myself that I am sick and feel like crap..... I'm not going to necessarily "feel" like a Christian when I'm sick, and God will understand if I don't pray as much or read my Bible as much while I am sick.

 Tomorrow will make 2 weeks without giving in. Something that makes me happy, but also wary. It is a hard addiction to break, but God has been helping me.

   2014 is just a few days away, and this is the time of year when people make New Year's resolutions, which are usually broken before a week into the new year. I've made them before, and broke them, so I almost hate to make any, though with a new year spread out before me, I almost feel like I should.

  For most of my life, the new year has been a scary thing, not limited to the 2000 scare. For one thing, I got this weird idea - actually I think it was implanted in my mind by my parents years ago - that Jesus would most likely return as the new year came in. Since I rarely felt anywhere close to where I should be spiritually, that idea scare me.

  Also, it has scared me in recent years, as I have been so scared of the future. It still worries me, but not to the extent that it has. I am trying to trust God and pray about the things I am worried about.

  I have come up with a few things I want to work at, though I am hesitant to call them resolutions. Maybe goals or even wishes would be better terms:

1) Totally kick my addictions to sex, porn, and masturbation

2) Work at my relationship with God, become more of what He wants me to be, and not what I want

3) Lose weight. Not for just health reasons, but self esteem. The weight I lost last summer made me feel good, then depression and unemployment put it back on.

4) 3) Get my own place again. It is driving me crazy living with my parents, and it is hard on my self esteem and how I see myself as a man. I need my own place, but that will not likely happen without the next:
5) Get a different job. I like the one I have, but I am weary of working every Sunday, and I see no end to it. Plus, I need to make more money.

6) Smile more, enjoy life more, worry less.

  I am sure I could add to that list, but those are the ones I came up with off the top of my flu/cold infested head.